Break ups are never easy. My most recent one was probably the worst I've ever been through. I really liked the guy and I had committed myself to be in it for the long run, and I thought he was too; but I guess not.
As any break up goes, I was pretty devastated right after it happened. I was down for a couple of days. There were even points where I didn't know who to believe: him or my friends or my head and heart. Everything and everyone was telling me something different; which was not helping the stress and confusion I was feeling.
At some point one night I had reached a breaking point. I just felt like it was too much, so I went to a good friend. She actually went through a recent breakup herself, only with her (ex)fiancé. I felt that, if anyone, she would have some encouraging words. And boy, she did.
She told me this:
"You (me) are a beautiful person. Regardless of piercings and hair color and tattoos and everything else. I'm telling you this as a friend and as your boss. I didn't hire you because of those things. I hired you because you are an amazing person. You have a beautiful smile, and infectious smile. You have an infectious laugh. You light up a room when you enter it and I'm not just saying that. I hired you because you are, well you! And if he can't see the amazing person you are, then he is missing out. One day you are going to find a guy you accepts you for who you are and accepts your past and he will love you even more because of it. You'll find someone who says 'I don't care about the past and the present is only temporary. I don't know what the future holds but I know I want to be a part of it'. I'm not going to attack your ex and say 'oh he was awful for you yadda yadda yadda' because I can see that he was good for you. But it's never good to dwell on the hurt. And it's going to hurt a while. Especially when you fall so hard for someone. But it's not the falling that matters. It's how you pick yourself back up. And you're not going to get up this evening or tomorrow, or even next week because these things take time - but you are strong and no one should hold you down. You are a beautiful work of art. Your past was the pencil sketch. Your present is some shading. Your future is all the bright colors that will be added. Don't let anyone let you use just black."
It's still hard, and sometimes overwhelming; but I am trying. I am fighting. This is a battle I refuse to lose. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I was being forced to paint in black. Yes, I can say I loved my ex boyfriend with all of my heart, and yes it hurts to have the relationship end. And as my friend said: it's going to hurt for a while.
But, in the end, it's better for me this way because I am a rainbow.
And no one is allowed to make me paint in black.