1. Minding P's and Q's.

Me: So what was the best part of the week?

Kid: My favorite part was hanging out with the Al-Qaedas in the barn!

Me: ...I think you mean alpacas.

2. Food sculpture gone wrong.

Kitchen staff: Hey! Did you guys like eating the dragon we made for you out of fruit roll-ups?

Kid: Dragon? I thought it was supposed to be a lobster...

3. It's the little things...

Note from the campers: Shout-out to all the barnstaff for wearing pants!

Barn worker: So... there was an option not to?

4. Mistaken for a bunny.

Me: So what's your favorite animal at the barn?

Camper: My favorite is this bunny! [Holds up disgruntled guinea pig].

Me: That... that is not a bunny.

5. Dramatic irony.

[I'm taking a kid to the bathroom when we walk by a random pair of boxers lying on the ground].

Me: Hey, look! Someone just left their boxers in the middle of camp.

Kid: Hehe--yeah, who would ever do that? [Looks at boxers] ...wait a minute! Those are mine!

6. I am as young as the campers are gullible.

Teen camper: Hey, is it true that you're only twelve and a half years old?

Me (his counselor): ...yes.

Teen: Oh okay!

7. The cologne of nature class.

Nature teacher: So who knows what the cologne of nature class is?

Camper 1: Peanuts!

Nature teacher: No.

Camper 2: Sweat!

Nature teacher: No...

Camper 3: Bugspray?

Nature teacher: Yes!

8. Should have cena-t coming.

Me: Okay kids, finish this sentence... And his name is John--

Campers: Stamos!

Me: No...

9. Mistaken for a platypus.

Camper: Don't guinea pigs eat their own eggs sometimes?

Me: Guinea pigs... don't lay eggs.

10. Desperate times.

Me: [sees camper eating grass] Hey, uh... why are you eating grass?

Camper: You do what you need to survive!

Camper 2: Dude, we're eating dinner in, like, 5 minutes...

11. Instant Karma.

[while playing dodgeball]

Camper: Come at me, losers! You're all throwing like girls!

[immediately gets hit in the crotch]

12. That would be the 'Skate' artist.

Camp Leader: Hey, does anybody know the name of that escape artist who held his breath underwater for 15 minutes?

Camper: Yeah, Tony Hawk!

13. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Camper: [eats entire packet of butter]

Me: How many of those have you eaten?

Camper: Three or four...

14. I don't think he's seen the movie.

Me: Tell me about a movie you've seen.

Camper: You know that movie, 20 Days of Slavery?

Me: Do you mean... 12 Years a Slave?

Camper: Yeah, 12 Days of Slavery!

Me: It was a little longer than 12 days...

15. Mistaken for candy.

Camper: I ate a slug once.

Me: But... why?

Camper: I thought it was candy.

16. WHAT?!

Camper: I heard you got someone pregnant!

Me: What?!

Camper: Yeah, at the barn!

Me: WHAT?!

Camper: A barn worker said you left a boy guinea pig with a girl guinea pig and now she's pregnant.

Me: Ohhhhhh...

17. Child prodigy.

Me: What's something you're really proud of doing?

Teen camper: Graduating!

Me: You graduated?!

Teen camper: From the 5th grade...

18. One of these things is not like the others.

Me: If you were stuck on a desert island with three movies to watch for the rest of your life, which would you pick?

Camper: Black Panther, Justice League, and... the Bee Movie.

Me: ???

19. Mistaken for coffee.

Me: Does anyone know who wrote the Jurassic Park song?

Camper: Was it... Leo DiCappuccino?

Me: Not quite.