Whether you've worked at a summer camp, attended one, or seen it from a distance, you know that every summer is jam-packed with hilarious moments and quotes that stick with you long after camp is done. Here are 19 of my own, gathered from 4 summers of experience, all of which are 100% real.
1. Minding P's and Q's.
Me: So what was the best part of the week?
Kid: My favorite part was hanging out with the Al-Qaedas in the barn!
Me: ...I think you mean alpacas.
2. Food sculpture gone wrong.
Kitchen staff: Hey! Did you guys like eating the dragon we made for you out of fruit roll-ups?
Kid: Dragon? I thought it was supposed to be a lobster...
3. It's the little things...
Note from the campers: Shout-out to all the barnstaff for wearing pants!
Barn worker: So... there was an option not to?
4. Mistaken for a bunny.
Me: So what's your favorite animal at the barn?
Camper: My favorite is this bunny! [Holds up disgruntled guinea pig].
Me: That... that is not a bunny.
5. Dramatic irony.
[I'm taking a kid to the bathroom when we walk by a random pair of boxers lying on the ground].
Me: Hey, look! Someone just left their boxers in the middle of camp.
Kid: Hehe--yeah, who would ever do that? [Looks at boxers] ...wait a minute! Those are mine!
6. I am as young as the campers are gullible.
Teen camper: Hey, is it true that you're only twelve and a half years old?
Me (his counselor): ...yes.
Teen: Oh okay!
7. The cologne of nature class.
Nature teacher: So who knows what the cologne of nature class is?
Camper 1: Peanuts!
Nature teacher: No.
Camper 2: Sweat!
Nature teacher: No...
Camper 3: Bugspray?
Nature teacher: Yes!
8. Should have cena-t coming.
Me: Okay kids, finish this sentence... And his name is John--
Campers: Stamos!
Me: No...
9. Mistaken for a platypus.
Camper: Don't guinea pigs eat their own eggs sometimes?
Me: Guinea pigs... don't lay eggs.
10. Desperate times.
Me: [sees camper eating grass] Hey, uh... why are you eating grass?
Camper: You do what you need to survive!
Camper 2: Dude, we're eating dinner in, like, 5 minutes...
11. Instant Karma.
[while playing dodgeball]
Camper: Come at me, losers! You're all throwing like girls!
[immediately gets hit in the crotch]
12. That would be the 'Skate' artist.
Camp Leader: Hey, does anybody know the name of that escape artist who held his breath underwater for 15 minutes?
Camper: Yeah, Tony Hawk!
13. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Camper: [eats entire packet of butter]
Me: How many of those have you eaten?
Camper: Three or four...
14. I don't think he's seen the movie.
Me: Tell me about a movie you've seen.
Camper: You know that movie, 20 Days of Slavery?
Me: Do you mean... 12 Years a Slave?
Camper: Yeah, 12 Days of Slavery!
Me: It was a little longer than 12 days...
15. Mistaken for candy.
Camper: I ate a slug once.
Me: But... why?
Camper: I thought it was candy.
16. WHAT?!
Camper: I heard you got someone pregnant!
Me: What?!
Camper: Yeah, at the barn!
Me: WHAT?!
Camper: A barn worker said you left a boy guinea pig with a girl guinea pig and now she's pregnant.
Me: Ohhhhhh...
17. Child prodigy.
Me: What's something you're really proud of doing?
Teen camper: Graduating!
Me: You graduated?!
Teen camper: From the 5th grade...
18. One of these things is not like the others.
Me: If you were stuck on a desert island with three movies to watch for the rest of your life, which would you pick?
Camper: Black Panther, Justice League, and... the Bee Movie.
Me: ???
19. Mistaken for coffee.
Me: Does anyone know who wrote the Jurassic Park song?
Camper: Was it... Leo DiCappuccino?
Me: Not quite.
Summer camp is a great time for fun, laughs, and making some really great (and odd) memories.
