Ah, Christmas break. A month full of hometown friends, no exams, sleeping in, eating good food, family... and the questions family will ask you the moment you step foot in the door. Whether this is a small family get-together with just your immediate family that you saw at Thanksgiving, or if it's a big holiday tradition (I see you Polish Christmas and Read Family Christmas) with people you haven't seen in over a year, all of these questions will be asked. So I give you questions I will be asked and the answers I plan on NOT giving but wish I could be.
1. How is school?
First off, it's terrifying and I'm eating gross food and I've gained weight and I'm stressed ALL the time and I'm broke. But no, it's good. I'm fine. Everything's fine. It's good. I'm good. We're fine. Please pass the wine.
2. Are you dating anyone/ Where's that boyfriend?
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL L-O-FUCKING-L. Yeah, not happening. College aged men are gross and anyone older than college aged (I'm looking at you Mr. 29 years old and still living in a college town and hanging out with frat boys/ trying to hook up with college girls) are just creepy.
I'm starting to realize all the good ones are taken, all the good looking ones are total fuckboys, and anyone in my major is going to end up poor. My options are limited here. But if you have someone in mind, I am sooo not opposed.
3. How are your grades looking?
I swear on my $60 foundation if someone asks me this question I'm literally going to kill myself and then them. Don't ask me this, my grades look trash, because I'm trash. But that's okay, I'm fixing it next semester.
4. Have you thought about running/Do you have a gym on campus/Are you eating healthy?
UGGHHHHH I get ittttt. I've gained weight this semester (trust me, I know, this is the heaviest I've ever been ANDDDD I currently have no pants that fit me). But ya know what, honestly, I'm not going to obsess over my body (I did that for too long, my dudes), and granted I should probably work out more often but I'm busy... and I like food.
5. Okay, this isn't a question but a reaction to when I'm still sitting at the kids table:
I KNOW I'M NOT A REAL LIFE ADULT I KNOW I'M ONLY A SEMI ADULT AND THAT I DON'T PAY MY OWN BILLS BUT I WANT TO SIT AT THE KIDS TABLE OKAY. AND ALSO IF I HAVE TO SIT AT THE KIDS TABLE, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET FOOD WHEN THE KIDS GET FOOD NOT WHEN THE ADULTS GET FOOD IT'S ONLY FAIR OKAY OKAY.
6. Why are you sleeping all day?
Look yall I've been pulling all nighters for the past like 6-ish weeks. Let a girl sleep. AND THEN THEY ASK WHY YOU'RE UP AT 3 AM. Like... Momma Goya, Father Dodd. My sleep schedule is so MESSED UP at this point that a normal sleep schedule is just Not Happening. I'm tired.
7. How are you coping with school?
I promise you don't want to know... actually ya know what... I'm coping with copious amounts of wine. Pink Moscato and the wine that Aldi has for $5 is my jam. That's how I deal with school.