It started with a smile in the computer lab of the library. She waved and smiled. I literally turned around and asked if she was waving at me. Yeah, the clichéd “Who, me?” point. I couldn’t believe how pretty she was.

“Hi! I’m sorry, how do I know you?” I asked.

She replied that we were in class together last semester. We chatted for a second, then I went back to my computer for thirty more minutes. Job searches, cover letters, and resumes took up more space in my mind. I had a billion worries. But I had an interview at the Starbucks on campus, a three-minute walk. And as I walked in and sat down, she was there.

I felt myself tingle.

“Hello again,” she said.

As we talked, she revealed that she was the same major as me. And what started out as a casual conversation with a nice girl turned into something different. I felt…strange. I felt…I don’t know…lightheaded. I think I blushed for the first time in years while talking to her. So I tried to steer the conversation towards a safe subject. But there was none. I was attracted to her. I desired her.

“Can I have your number?” she asked. I was happy and afraid at the same time. I had a hundred questions for myself after I gave her my number and we parted ways.

I've never thought of myself as anything other than straight, heterosexual. I was wildly attracted to boys from a young age. I had a pretend boyfriend in pre-school. We made out behind the benches once, and I told him to stop slobbering on me. Since then, not a lot has changed. My experience with boys has consisted of bad dates, short relationships, and one-night stands. But women have never entered the picture, until now.

Does my attraction for her mean I might be bisexual? Is bi-curious the correct term? I have no clue. I’ve never wanted to be with a woman sexually. I mean, I should amend that statement. I’ve never wanted the V. I like boobs. Boobs are A-Okay with me. But I can’t wrap my head around the other anatomical part. Do you have to want to have vaginal sex with a woman to be considered bisexual? Is bisexual the end goal? Can I just have this feeling of wanting to kiss her, but only kiss? Or is that a straight girl being “extra”?

Do I have to have a label to feel how I feel?

I’m afraid to put this on the internet. Not because I’m afraid of homophobia. On the contrary, I am afraid of people thinking my feelings aren't real. But I’m just trying to figure out who I am. I’m also afraid of what my mother would say if she read this post. She’s conservative about gender and sexuality. And I’m afraid of labels. My friend told me I may be biromantic/heterosexual, and I don’t know how I feel about that.

In the end, I’m going to take it one day at a time. Maybe I will decide that at the end of the day, my feelings were superficial. Maybe I will decide I’m just aesthetically attracted to her. Maybe I will want to explore my sexuality with women, not just men. Maybe I’ll decide it all doesn’t matter as long as I’m safe, healthy, and smart. In all these scenarios, I’m still Chloe. I’m still a dog lady. I’m still capable of loving and deserving of love. I’m still me.