No type of abuse is ever okay, but so many people are not aware that there are more types of abuse than just physical. Although, that is the most talked about, there are other types that are just as concerning and that could end up leading to something more physical.
One that seems to be less conversed is emotional/psychological abuse. You may not even notice this type at first if you're not looking for it. Signs of this are: your significant other is constantly criticizing you and making you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough, they threaten you, they're controlling, manipulative, and you endure public shaming. You're probably wondering how I would even know this. Well, I was in an abusive relationship, and it took me years to see what was going on. I always made excuses for him being the way he was, or gave in to those thoughts telling me that I deserved it — that was just how relationships were. After all, he was my husband, he was supposed to be the one to love me unconditionally and build me up. He would not be doing all this if he didn't love me, right? That's part of the manipulation process. I don't know how people do it, but somehow they get inside your head and "brainwash'' you into believing that this is love. I'm here to tell you that it most definitely is not!
It started out subtly, with little things like him telling me what I could and could not wear. I had certain outfits that were deemed appropriate to wear while he was with me, and different ones to wear while he wasn't around. If I was to wear anything even remotely flattering while he was away from me, then that would result in a fight. That's just an example of the controlling aspect. The fights were not tiny ordeals either. That's when most of the emotional abuse would happen. He would say things to me that would literally kill me inside, such as, "You will never find anyone that will treat you as good as I do", "If you leave me, I'll make sure the child gets taken away," "You're worthless and unattractive. No one is going to want you." Those are just some examples, so I'm sure you get the picture of how bad it could get. It did not stop there, though. Later on down the road when his words were not affecting me as much as he thought they should, that's when the physical abuse started. It was little things like getting in my face, grabbing my arms and face leaving bruises when he did. Thankfully, that was the last straw for me. I was determined to give my child a better life than seeing that almost everyday. So, I finally got up the courage to leave!
You're probably sitting there reading this, thinking, "Lady, you are crazy! How could stay with him and not see all this happening?!" Well, when you're in that type of relationship and that is all you have seen growing up, its all you know. It becomes, what I saw as, "normal." I was to walk on eggshells around him and constantly be aware of what I was doing at all times to keep him happy. If he was happy that meant, no crying, yelling, and tears. That was all I strived for everyday. After a while that starts to wear on a person. You can't be with an abusive person and not deal with the repercussions that it will take on your mind and body. I had to get on anxiety/depression medication. I barely wanted to get out of bed in the morning, let alone take care of my child. I was exhausted. I wanted to avoid people and going out so that I wouldn't have to worry about upsetting him. I no longer wanted to live. Had it not been for my beautiful baby girl, I probably wouldn't be here today. I'm not telling you this life experience for sympathy or pity. I'm sharing it because I'm hoping that if even one person can relate to this and get out of a bad relationship before it's too late, then it will be worth it. I want to tell you that it's not too late to get help. You are not trapped as much as you think you are. Please, reach out to someone and get help if you notice these signs of abuse going on in your relationship. It's never okay for someone to treat you less than what you are, and you are worth it!
