My girlfriend and I were eating dinner and watching Madoka Magica the other night when she suddenly got real quiet. I looked at her and asked what was going on. She said, "I'm scared". I asked her why and she brought up how much she still had to do for prepping for the move to Atlanta.
There was still quite a bit to do, once I looked around. The laundry needed washing, the dishes needed packing, her school projects needed finishing. She was starting to get overwhelmed. I told her that I would take care of the laundry and the dishes, so all that was left was getting ready for the movers.
My expression was that of someone who has moved around constantly and knew exactly what to do. In reality, I have taken on the role of the rock in our relationship numerous times, and I will do it again and again to keep her calm.
But the truth is that I am starting to freak out myself.
It's not due to how much needs to be done on the packing end. It's not that I have to juggle any major projects on top of getting ready to move. The reality is that we are both moving 1000 miles away from home, where we won't know anyone. I don't have any jobs lined up, as my Bachelor's degree in journalism and history is not going to mean anything if I can't find an entry-level position to gain the experience I need to climb up the career ladder.
If that wasn't enough, I still need to shop around for health insurance, make appointments for doctors visits, the whole enchilada. And I have 10 days to do all of it (the amount of time I will be home in Connecticut on Sunday). It feels like everything is moving at a rate where stumbling is imminent.
Paying bills.
Doing taxes.
Keeping up with my own place (okay, this one I should already be fine with).
Scheduling my life.
Cooking my own meals (and subsequently buying my own food, another thing I should already be okay with doing).
AGH!
I must admit right now: there is no scale when it comes to me doing something risky. If I don't feel 100 percent sure that a new thing will be good for me, I will not jump into it at all. Conversely, if I am sure, I give it everything I have. I'm what most people would call a settler. I stay on the beaten path ahead of me and run for the hills at the slightest sign that I don't know what I am doing.
The thing is that I know that I can get over this. It will just take some adjustment.
More than anything, I want this move to work. I know it is what is best for both my career aspects and my relationship. I just need to be willing to take the plunge. I know that not everything in life is comfortable, and that to get what you want out of it, you need to grab the bull by the horns.
Fear is a normal reaction when it comes to doing new things because there is always the possibility of failure. But it shouldn't dictate my life.
I know that I will have a support network down in Atlanta. We plan on opening up a joint bank account (on top of having our own savings accounts). I plan on looking for a job every day until I find one. And as I mentioned in a previous article, I can do the things that are necessary for my personal life.
My dad once said something along the lines of "if you wait until you're ready to have kids, you'll never have them." While I certainly am not looking to pass on my genetics just yet, I get what he is saying: you are never going to be ready for what life has in store. The best thing you can do is take it head on. Yes, that means doing things that terrify you, because, in the end, you will be better off for it.