Dear Professor,

I know you have a TON of important information that we just HAVE to cover and lots of homework for us to do. This is why it is very important for "syllabus day" so we can ease into the vast pool of information you are about to immerse us into not get thrown in immediately -- my best friend is a lifeguard; that's how folks drown.

Save us from drowning! Don't throw us in head first and expect us to swim; we need to simply get our feet wet and test the waters on syllabus day. Diving right in might work for animals and fish and maybe Michael Phelps, but not us.

Your class isn't a kiddie pool, it's the equivalent of the Atlantic Ocean. "Open your book to page 23145 and discuss the meaning of the sonnet of *insert old British poet here*". Buddy, I don't even have the book yet, you are supposed to tell me which one I need today. So far, drowning actually isn't the worse idea at this point. Hmm, debatable.

"We will have our first test on Friday." "Here is a detailed list of all your major assignments and the days they are due, oh and your topic for the group project is due today before you leave." "If you skip my class you will not pass." "Dropping this class is for quitters." "Absolutely NO laptops, you must take notes by hand." "You need to memorize the entire 1994 World Book Encyclopedia set." "You must know what William Shakespeare's favorite snack was." "Quick! Whats 1384925924 times 32950?"

You get the idea, you drop a ton of information on us and expect us to remember it all and be ready to go from day one. It doesn't work that way, all you did was scare us into dropping out, becoming strippers or both. Also, not looking like a bad idea at this point, tbh.

Dear Professor, can you like chill out for a sec?

We just need a day, or ten, to get back on our feet and back into school mode (zombified, caffeine-fueled, school mode). One day to just let us breath isn't going to put you and your totally valuable information behind, I promise.

"Sink or swim" they always say, Syllabus Day is the life raft of college basically. Skipping syllabus day and going straight to work is like sinking the Titanic. I'm sure if Jack and Rose would have had a raft, Jack might have actually stood a chance.

So Dear Professor, read the syllabus, be nice and wait to start killing souls until day two.