Intellects Who Procrastinate

Did you grow up constantly showered with praise for your intellect?

Did your peers express jealousy? Did they always want you apart of their group projects?

I remember growing up and taking reading-level tests in elementary school to identify which sections of the library I could access. I distinctly recall getting our printed results back and seeing my reading level past college. I was ecstatic, proud, and determined to read and learn.

But now...I can't remember the last time I picked up a book for fun. I can't say I've been outside to enjoy the breeze and sunshine with a novel in hand. It's most probably because my schedule has picked up in both demands and busy time. I feel exhausted coming home from long days, and the last thing I'd want to do is read a book.

Other students probably can't relate. I can imagine a select few people able to switch off their social media and enjoy a few chapters before drifting off to sleep. My brain just isn't wired like that. I need ten times the effort just to cool down, let alone switch off. It's hard when you have so many things on your mind: to-do lists, shopping lists, weekend plans, homework reminders, test schedules, money issues, outfit ideas, essay drafting...all of it!!!

I don't know how I got through high school. I never exactly had study skills, mainly because school had always come easily to me. Now that I'm in college, the material is so much harder and more demanding of me. I simply cannot bring myself to sit down and study. My thoughts wander... I get distracted... I get tired... Suddenly I'm in bed napping at 3 in the afternoon. Trust me. The same thing happens even if I'm at the library across campus. I don't know what to do!!!

I procrastinate writing essays. I used to have the most foolproof method of organizing and spacing out homework and due dates. Now I just survive day by day, completing assignments right before class if not at midnight the night before. I started waiting until two-ish days before an essay's due date to start writing it.

For some reason, my grades haven't been affected by my self-destructive habits. I maintain As, ironically. My essays are golden. My homework is right and on time.

I don't understand why I can't stop procrastinating, because nonetheless I don't like it. I suppose my inner me is completely chill with having extra nap time while keeping the good grades, otherwise my anxiety would spiral.

I'm not sure of the purpose for writing about this experience if not to hope that someone relates. The stigma behind procrastination shouldn't dig so deeply into those that actually get away with it. It definitely is a hard trick to master, but once the bells and whistles are under control, it turns into a hard habit to drop.

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