I have been going to church most of my life. I have always loved it. As a child, as a pre-teen, and as a teenager, I have always enjoyed the worship, service, fellowship and spiritual growth that have accompanied my church attendance. I have never felt unwelcome or unwanted.

The church was a safe place. When I was with my church family I felt assured they would not judge me and would stand by me in whatever season of life I was in.

But lately, I've found myself feeling very differently about the church.

I have caught myself thinking bitter thoughts about it, losing hope in it and even dreading going at times. I have frequently felt like an outsider within the church body. Imagine that. A child of God feeling like an outsider in God's house.

The feelings I am expressing in this article are feelings I have kept bottled up for quite some time now. I have repressed them because I felt ashamed for thinking negative thoughts about the church. I no longer feel this way.

After much thinking and diligent prayer on the subject, I have come to the conclusion that my feelings are better shared than kept inside, where they can slowly but surely feed my anger and chip away at my faith. However, please note that the feelings shared in this article are not aimed at Christians in general, but specifically toward the church as an institution.

When I think of the church now, hypocrisy, gossip, drama, and selfishness are just a few of the things I think of.

Things that do not come to mind are loving one's neighbor, being kind and being welcoming. I have observed cliques being formed, and those cliques shutting out other members of the church- myself and members of my family included.

I have seen new faces come to church and never return because they do not feel like they belong or that they are wanted there. The church is literally driving people away because of the self-absorbedness of its body.

Now more than ever I am growing increasingly aware of why people turn away from the church when they move out of the house and their parents no longer force them out of bed each Sunday to go. I understand how someone my age can so easily fold under the impossible standards set for them by their church community or feel like a loner in the middle of a big crowd of churchgoers.

Many churches are not loving these people...

People like me, who feel so rejected because they don't fit a certain mold or aren't accepted by a certain hierarchical group within their church.

Please don't misunderstand me. I have not turned against the church. Scripture tells us that it is a crucial part of the faith and that all believers should be part of a church community. I recognize that what I have said is not true of all churches, it is simply the experience I've had with several of the churches I have been to.

I do not write any of this to gain sympathy about my experiences nor do I write out of bitterness for members of the church who have made me feel this way. I simply write to make people aware of a very real issue they may not even know exists. I write in hopes of inspiring people to evaluate whether or not this is a problem within their own churches and determine how they can fix such issues.

As for me, I will keep searching for a church I can call home.