I am a prisoner of my own mind.

Unable to let anyone in

Unable to speak what's really going on with me.

I've locked myself away deeply

Locked myself away inside of my own mind.

Locked myself away and thrown away the key.

On the outside I'm cool, level headed, knows what she wants from life, knows what people like to hear.

On the inside I'm writhing in pain, beeping from every pore, dying little bits at a time

On the inside I am dying for attention, for anyone to pull me put of this black hole I've found myself in.

On the inside I'm wishing for someone to see straight through me and look into my very soul and say, "I know you're not okay, but things will get better. Things will get better. It's just on the horizon, just beyond the next bend."

Just once I wish someone would understand.

Just once I wish that someone could reach in and pull me out of the sea of grief, pain and loneliness I am drowning in.

Just once I wish to feel as though I matter

Just once I wish to feel as though I am a human with feelings

Just once I wish I could feel as though I'm important and that I matter.

But I do not. I don't feel because feeling is dangerous.

What I do feel is shallow. On the surface.

To many of you that will surprise you, to others you will have a hard time believing me. To the very very scarce few, you will not believe me.

But this is how I feel, this is how I feel like I am walking through life.

This is where I am, and no one can see me. No one can see my mental breakdowns or my emotional meltdowns.

No one can see because I keep it all just beneath the surface, buried deep within me. Locked away so that I won't have to show anyone what is really going on, locked away to spare myself the sympathy and the empathy and the feelings of others feeling sorry for me.

Locked away, a prisoner inside of my own mind.