Pride Month Is Supposed To Celebrate What Makes Us Different, But It Just Makes Me Self-Conscious Of My Differences

Pride Month Is Supposed To Celebrate What Makes Us Different, But It Just Makes Me Self-Conscious Of My Differences

Pinpointing the reasons I don't feel good enough.

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"UGLY!"

"STUPID!"

"MONKEY!"

"RETARDED!"

"DUMB!"

"IGNORANT!"

"UGLY!"

These are the majority of names I've been called by family, classmates, and strangers my whole life.

Though the sting of constantly being called these names always affects me, during Pride Month is when this affects me the most.

When I want to prove my worth to the LGBTPQA+ community and to the future wife and husband I hope to have. I look in the mirror and see everything that everyone else sees that's wrong with me.

I recall all the times I'm ignorant or have said something stupid. I see how ugly I am. I see how much I look like a monkey. And I cry because I see how my life will be lived alone and unrecognized.

It's not just physical ugliness that plagues my body -- from my hair (my real hair), to my face, to my skin, to my stomach, to my ass, to my thighs, to my feet. But the emotional ugliness that I carry -- my shyness, my introversion, my sensitivity, my clinginess, my bisexuality, my demisexuality, my cynicism. I feel like my purpose was to be a black spot on the world; a reminder to others that no matter how bad or how fucked up your life is; cheer up. You could be ME. You could have to have this face and this body -- listen to people snicker at you as you walk by or endure countless cold shoulders of those you cared about.

I'm hard on myself because I have to be. Because I'm the one sentenced to a life of living with myself and looking at myself every morning when I get up. I can't escape myself. So I have to be hard on myself to turn into someone else. I don't want people to know its me. I want to be completely different. Different look; different attitude; different take on life. Not so I can be LIKED - but so I can be ACCEPTED.

I wish that Pride Month could be a time for me to embrace the parts of me that brings joy.

Instead, its a time for me to agonize over things I wish were different about me.

I'm sure the story of The Ugly Duckling is familiar. A swan ended up being born to a family of ducks. It took him looking at his reflection and seeing that he was the same as the other swans that he figured out where he belonged. Thats how we in the LGBTPQA+ community came about. Born from straight parents then finding each other and showing pride together. Pride shows off everyone's beauty but mine. One day I hope to find my beauty within where I'm supposed to belong as well.

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12 Things Only Low-Maintenance Girls Understand

I promise we aren’t lazy, just easy going.
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Sometimes low-maintenance girls are looked at as lazy or sloppy. But in reality, I think low-maintenance girls are just so confident in who they are that putting in that extra effort isn't important to them.

Here are 12 things that only low-maintenance girls understand:

1. Leggings or sweat pants and a T-shirt is your normal everyday outfit

Why spend the day uncomfortable in some tight jeans or mini skirt when you can lounge around in some comfy clothes? We aren't here to impress anyone, we are just trying to sit back and chill.

2. Makeup is a special occasion

If you catch a low-maintenance girl with makeup on, take it as a compliment. We are trying to touch our face and rub our eyes as much as we'd like without makeup getting in the way. Not to mention, we wouldn't dare spend over $15 on some foundation.

3. We would rather stay in with a movie then go out for the evening

Something low-key and low stress always sounds better than spending the time, and the money, for a night out. I am perfectly content with taking advantage of my $7.99 monthly payment for Netflix.

4. You're always the first one ready

While your friends spend hours doing their hair, makeup and then finding the perfect outfit, you sit around and wait. Your 10 minutes thrown-together-look gives you time to nap while everyone else takes their sweet time.

5. When you say you "don't care what we do," you really don't care

Seriously, a date night off the McDonald's dollar menu is fine by me. I am not expecting you to wine and dine me on a big extravagant evening, I'm just trying to get a Big Mac in my mouth.

6. Your messy bun isn't a fashion statement, it's actually just your hairstyle

We aren't about to spend time curling or straightening our hair everyday. Every day is a good day to throw your hair up into a ponytail or bun.

7. The extent of your jewelry collection is one pair of earrings and maybe a necklace

Who needs more than one pair of earrings? Diamond studs match everything… right?

8. And your shoe collection is even smaller

Should I wear flip-flops or Converse?

9. Shopping isn't exactly your favorite thing to do

Who has patience for finding the perfect designer brands or finding the best fit? I am perfectly content with my T-shirts and leggings. One size fits all.

10. Your favorite gifts are the sentimental ones, not the expensive ones

A homemade card or a small gift that makes someone think of you is forever better and more meaningful than an expensive present. I don't want your money, I just want to know you thought of me.

11. You don't put in the effort to chase after a guy

I'm awesome and I know it. If a guy is worth it enough to be in my life, he can come after me. I am not down for any games or players. Just someone who embraces my low-maintenance qualities.

12. You are always the first person to help someone out

Giving your friends a ride or lending them two dollars isn't a huge deal. Just helping someone out gives you peace of mind. Everyone should have time to help a homie out.

Cover Image Credit: http://www.cosboots.com/sale/christmas/christmas.html

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Dear Girls, You Are So Much More Than Your Jean Size

Even when it feels like you're not.

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Trust me, I know how it feels. I know what it's like to constantly think about food. I know what it's like to be driven insane trying to follow a ridiculous diet. And I also know what it's like to feel beyond guilty that 80 percent of the time I do eat that piece of cake I promised myself I wouldn't. I know how it feels to stand in front of the full-length mirror in your bathroom and choke back tears because your thighs look way too big in the new shorts that you were so excited to wear. I've felt insecure, I've felt hopeless, and I sometimes have a hard time holding my body confidently when I walk into a room of strangers.

We've all felt it.

But there are times when some of us feel it so strongly we just want to burst. Times when we simply can't handle the thought of being inadequate, unattractive or not enough. These feelings can lead us to desperate measures, and we do things we never thought in our right minds we would do. Insecurity holds great and ugly power, and oftentimes it can twist the truth. Sometimes, it can even twist us.

The first day my best friend called me and told me she had made herself throw up, I cried on the phone. I knew this girl inside and out, had grown up alongside her for the past 14 years. This wasn't her, this just wasn't something she would do. Yes, of course I knew this girl.

But at the same time, I had no idea what she was dealing with.

I didn't understand what it was like to have people telling me each successive day that I wasn't enough. That I would never make it unless I lost 10 pounds. That I didn't have the right "look" to be an Olympic-level athlete.

Day in and day out, my friend was degraded with these words and notions conceived from nothing but the expectations of society and the culture of a brutal sport.

The first words I said to her and the only words I can really, truly offer to any girl struggling with this are, "It's not worth it." Because it just isn't. Compromising your physical, mental and emotional health is not worth being the best at your sport. It's not worth becoming a prima ballerina, fitting into size two jeans, getting boys to like you, becoming part of a sorority, being a model or looking great in a bikini.

What is worth it is you.

I know that sometimes as a girl it is so hard to realize that you are more than just a body. But you are. You are more than just skin and bones. You are a million stories of where you've been, a million visions of where you want to go. You are the kind words you've said to strangers passing by, you are your favorite books, and the quotes hung up above your bed frame. You are the songs you play over and over again till the lyrics are second nature. You are the tattoo you've always wanted to get on your forearm. You are your mother's daughter.

Don't simplify yourself to just a body. You are so much more than that.

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