In February, I began dating this guy I met on Tinder. He was nice, attractive, and funny. Seemingly perfect. Our first date went well. Our second date led to us making out. We made out a few more times. Then the day before I had to head back home, he wanted to do more. I thought I wanted that as well, and I was worried about our relationship, so I agreed. We didn't have sex, but we did other things.
A month later, I was supposed to get my period, but it didn't happen. Naturally I worried. Even though I didn't actually have sex, I was still worried. I bought a pregnancy test. Luckily, it was negative.
You'd think that'd be the end of it. I wasn't pregnant. I could go on with my life. But I ended up doing a lot of thinking, and realized some things.
I realized that I wasn't ready to actually have sex with someone for a while. Even other things that weren't sex, but close to it I wasn't really ready for. I also realized that the guy I was dating most likely was ready for all that. I realized I had to tell him that.
But that didn't mean I wanted to tell him that. This was the first guy on Tinder that actually talked to me and thought I was pretty. It's hard to let that go, and do anything that could affect that.
But after talking with my mother, I realized that I couldn't force myself to do things I wasn't ready for. Especially for some dude.
So I told him everything. He seemed to understand. I don't know what'll happen next with us. But I don't want to do something I'm not ready for.
I also started thinking about why sex scares me so much. I remembered times where I felt kind of gross or scared of having sex with a guy. I mean, it looks like it would hurt. And you have to take so much precaution. I started thinking I might not actually want to be with a man. I knew I was attracted to women, but I didn't think that I possibly wanted to be with one. Again, I'm not sure what'll happen with this, but I know I need to go off this.