As a sophomore in college I understand the struggle of being unable to decide on a major. Initially, it's a piece of cake and there are three types of people when it comes to picking a major.
You've got those that choose a practical major, something that they kind of enjoy but they know it's a stable career path, you've got those that pick solely on what they enjoy with the full understanding that it may not be the best paying job, then you have the in between individuals like myself.
Being a theatre kid and a debater, picking a major was hard. I've always wanted to be an actor, and if not that a film director. However my mom raised me to pick something that I had some interest in with a stable career path, and job security, then strive for the highest paying position of that field. Thus, I started college as a Pre Med student hoping to one day become a Cardiologist. Honestly, I envy those who have the guts to pursue the arts, it's something that I've realized I don't have in me.
Medical shows and documentaries have always been interesting to me, but that's a whole different thing from actually enjoying doing it. Once I started my pre requisites for medical school I had the biggest breakdown of my life. I spent my entire semester struggling to do good at something that I didn't even enjoy, so I switched to the next practical thing that I enjoyed: Law.
Social justice has always been a thing I enjoyed advocating for, educating and debating with those who may not be as knowledgable as I on the topic was always a fun thing for me. I figured that this must be the right path for me.
Here I am a semester later, and while I can say that I enjoy the classes I've been taking so far, and I can see this being a career that I'll enjoy, I still long to be in the arts. There's an ache in my poor theatre kid heart that wants to be up on that stage again, maybe even acting for the rest of my life. However there's this gnawing at the back of my brain saying "It's not a stable career", "What if you fail and blow all that tuition you spent on an arts degree?", "You'll have to work several part time jobs to actually support doing this."
It's like a cycle of wanting to pursue what makes me happy, versus pursing something that can ensure financial security in my future. Having to spend a part of my childhood in a single parent, lower middle class home, I understand somewhat of what it's like to not have much. I saw how much my mother struggled so that I didn't have less than. She worked jobs that she hated and ruined her credit so I didn't look like the poor kid who could barely afford to be in her private school.
I'm not going to sit around and act like I was poor, I know that I was better off than others, but looking towards my future, I want to be able to provide for my children without having to struggle like my mother did. The question for me is whether or not that is worth not being able to fulfill myself. To be honest I don't have that answer but here's my advice to anyone experiencing the same dilemma that I am. Understand the consequences of either path, once you've done that and sat with it, go for what YOU think is the best. If taking a chance at your dreams is worth the risk, do it. If choosing financial stability and having to forever wonder if you could've made it had you tried is worth it to you, then do it.
I'm sure at this point you figured I'd have something more profound to say, but life is just too full of uncertainty. We can never really know what will be, we can only try and plan ahead and do the best we can on our journey. It isn't for me or anyone else to say what is best, but I firmly believe that regardless of what we do, we have to be willing to live with whatever consequence may come from it. At least with that we can have some kind of peace with our decision.
It may take awhile to get to that place, honestly I haven't gotten there myself. I still struggle on deciding if acting is something I want to drop everything for and pursue full force. For now, it's something that I do on the side, time permitting, hoping one day my career can take off. If not, catch me at Wake Forest in the next two years.