Being In A Toxic Relationship Won't Ruin You In The End

Being In A Toxic Relationship Won't Ruin You In The End

You'll be more than fine.

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Your body aches. You can feel the surge of agony overcoming you-withering throughout every muscle, and crevice of your being.

In most cases, punches were not thrown, screams were not exchanged, yet the physical pain becomes overbearing. It's the worst kind of pain. The kind that sits at the bottom of your stomach, awakened at random hours of the day, reminding you it's there and in need of your attention. It's the same pain that makes you stop eating, stop drinking, and stop living altogether. This pain has taken root within the weak parts of your mind, and it feeds off anything negative, enjoying the buffet of pain which you've so graciously provided it with. You once were a freethinking individual, with a right to your own emotions and feelings, taking life one day at a time, and focusing on the betterment of yourself. Since you met him, all of that has disappeared, along with your identity and happiness.

What you used to love to do you were no longer able to enjoy. He did not like your taste in music, so you never listened to it when you were together. He did not like your favorite boots, so you threw them in the back of your closet and pretended to forget. He liked sleeping on your favorite side of the bed, and wouldn't even let you sleep there once. You ate where he liked, drank what he liked, and hung out with the people he liked. You were living your life but not one decision you were making was for your own benefit, instead, it was all for him and his satisfaction. You soon saw yourself becoming a pawn in a twisted game, one you knew he'd played before with other women. In fact, you were warned.

You were told about his past, his bad habits and immature behavior. Yet, you were foolish enough to disregard all those words, and continued making one wrong decision after another- you did not think, and you were stubborn, and for what? Not once did this man show any true compassion or empathy for how you felt. Each time you tried to bring up an issue in the relationship, he would shut you up, close you like an unwanted book and leave you on an empty shelf to collect dust until he was ready to pick you back up again.

Looking back at it now, you wish you could shake yourself into reality because the relationship was something out of a nightmare. To think that you were convinced you loved him, and maybe, he even loved you too. Unfortunately for you, the only person this man loved was himself. He was never capable of loving you the way you deserved to be. How childish of you to think your relationship was anything but toxic. After all, the red flags were all there. Heavy drinker- check. Anger problems- check. Selfish-check. Flirted with everyone- check. The list went on and on, yet to you, these red flags were overshadowed by his charm and occasional tenderness. His actions seemed excusable if accompanied by words you wanted to hear and actions you wanted to see. It is all quite unfortunate, and it hurts knowing the person you cared for so much could have hurt you the way he did.

Eventually, the relationship became too strenuous, even for him, with both parties exhausted trying to convince one another that it could work out. Tears were shed, on your part, and aggressive language was used on his until one day the relationship ceased to exist. You felt both sadness and relief at the same time and wondered how you would be able to move on with your life. Although he is gone, you can still feel his toxicity on your skin and in your mind. You wonder if you will ever be able to open your heart up again, after all, no one wants to re-live the same pain twice.

Luckily for you, no one has to cause you such emotional pain ever again. Yes, your past relationship took a toll on your mental and physical well-being, but that does not mean you are not a strong enough person to get back on your feet and make a life for yourself. This man treated you like no woman should ever be treated, and now you know. You know the signs- the red flags, you are now capable of spotting these red flags on every man you meet. Without him, you are now stronger, fiercer, and in no mood for games. It is important you realize your self-worth, and how no one- not a single man- should be the cause of doubt regarding your worth. Be happy to have been rid of that toxic human, and stand tall and proud for getting through it. Do not let anyone put out your flames ever again. Rise like the sun and burn ever so lightly over those who would not let you.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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The Easiest Way To Get Over A Breakup

Laying in your pajamas is not going to fix everything.

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Breakups suck. There is no other way to say it. But... the good thing about breakups is that they can be seen as a good thing rather than a bad thing. I think the first step to getting over a breakup is to take time to grieve. Your life is going to be different. A whole person is removed from your life. Removed from your routine.

It's OK to take a day to be sad.

I usually take one to two days to be sad and eat a lot of food. You can't just skip over the loss and think that you will recover. You can't do that. Take your two or so days to be sad. No longer than a week. Don't wallow in your dirty, crumb covered sheets.

Once you have taken your grieving time, get your butt up.

Take a shower and leave your house. Put on your favorite outfit and do whatever you need to to make yourself feel better. Go do something. It can be something as small as getting a coffee or walking with friends. Do something with people. Don't become a recluse and isolate yourself.

Do not post on social media.

It is SO tempting to tweet about how sad you are or post a sad snap but don't. Don't let your ex have that much power over you. Don't give them the satisfaction of how sad you are without them. They are going to move on, so you should too. You should also mute them or unfollow your ex. There is no reason to get upset every time you open your phone and see their face. It's not "childish" or "petty" it's smart.

You have to put yourself first and be selfish at this time.

Once you allow yourself to climb out of your dark hole of pity, jump back into life. Keep your chin up and keep going. The best way to "win" in the breakup is to be happy and move on without them. You may fall, you will get random slip-ups of sadness, but you will be OK. Take what you have learned in the relationship and remember that part. Notice what worked and what didn't.

You are fine, it's just a breakup not the end of the world. You got this.

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