We all lose something. Whether that be a prized possession, relationship, friendship, or family member; It is inevitable. I wrote this poem about the things or the people we lose. The feelings we feel when something or someone disappears and we can't get them back. Maybe sometimes it was something or someone that was never ours to begin with. Written for no one or nothing in particular, but as a compilation of feelings that come when something or someone has been lost, this poem is for you to ask: What did I lose?
It only took ten seconds.
I felt small, like I was six-years-old again.
Curious, I touched the burning stove knowing it would leave scars.
I could feel the tears,
but I hid them from my mother who always warned me not to play with fire.
It burned, but I wasn't afraid of the pain.
I was afraid of how long the pain would last.
Like a childhood memory I had lost by the age of twelve,
this I had lost too.
It disappeared like winter soon would.
The emotions,
the complexity of a hope that would be lost.
Only I expected the winter to end.
This I didn't.
This had never actually begun.
But I knew one day it would.
Only I didn't know that at all.
This was gone before it ever began.
I always longed for it to begin,
but longing with no action is like wishing with no hope.
I didn't want it to disappear.
Mostly because I couldn't.
I am as present as the night it first appeared.
I am as empty as the morning it left.
One day I was whole and the next I wasn't.
Replaying the ten seconds 1, 2, 3 times before the butterflies I once felt became moths.
The desperation for something that was never mine to begin with consumed me.
Sometimes losing what could be is harder than losing what was.
It's been longer than ten seconds now.
I still wait, hoping what disappeared would come back.
It only visits me at night.
I despise morning because it takes it away from me.
I still wait.
But it is so far gone.
It has always been gone.