I sit around and wonder about how I came to be;

Not the logistics, but the me I let you see.

The girl who stands in corners

And occasionally makes a joke.

The girl who's always laughing

Even though most of the time my insides hurt.

But what hurts the most is my brain

From thinking all of the time.

Not about assignments or my next plans

But about random things.

Like why five years ago

Did I say what I did?

Does that person still hate me?

Should I apologize again?

Or why did I make that stupid mistake?

I wish I could take it back.

My friends and family say it's no big deal, but all I can think is

"I can't keep making mistakes like that."

As you can see

My outward appearance doesn't reveal what's on the inside.

Because while I'm smiling,

Laughing,

Loving,

I'm dying on the inside.

The gears in my head

Won't stop turning,

They don't ever take a break.

So all I'm left to do is

Think

Think

Think.

About everything I've done wrong

And all the decisions I've made or will make.

But all I let you see

Is the girl that laughs and loves.

Because anything else, anything less

Wouldn't be good at all;

It would be another mistake.

So now I'm let to question how I became this way

Because I'd love nothing more than to feel and be the exact same way.