Everyone goes through points in their lives that are hard. For some people that means stress and pressure of everyday life, and for some, it means anxiety, depression and an overall sense of hopelessness. No matter what it is, we commonly hear from the people around us, "Don't worry, it gets better." or "Stay positive, you'll be okay."
In the midst of a struggle, hearing these things may feel false. I used to hear all the time, "Keep fighting, I believe in you, stay strong" but in those periods of time, all of those things, even "I love you," felt like a lie.
I never thought things would get better.
All I could see was the present and it felt impossible to believe that things would ever change.
When I wrote this poem, I truly believed that any happiness I had ever felt, was over and would never return again. I never expected to be where I am today, looking back amazed at what I've been through and what I've learned. It pains me to read some of the things I wrote because it reminds me just how much pain I was actually in.
At the same time though, looking back at what I've overcome makes me feel incredibly grateful. I'm grateful for what I've learned, who I've become and for the people who stuck with me through everything. I will continue to look back on the dark times in my life because they make me who I am, and I wouldn't want to trade that for anything. I didn't give up and for that, I'm proud.
Lost Forever
If I look too close I might just cry.
If I try too hard I might just die.
On the outside you see me smile,
But I feel like I've just been dragged
a million miles.
No, I haven't been ok
For quite a while
Sometimes my moods come in waves
And right now, I'm full of pain
When you look at me and I'm silent,
You think I'm deeply thinking,
But in reality
I'm quickly sinking.
My mind is dark,
It's 3 am.
I can no longer feel my heart,
And I might not ever again.
This fight is hard,
And this demon might win.
I've been told to stay strong,
But I think I'll let him in.
This fight has gone on too long,
So goodbye, this is The End.
So, if you're in a place where you don't think things could possibly get better, and even if you're tired of hearing that it will, please trust me when I say that it's possible. Don't give up. Reach out, have hope and let people in. You might not believe me, but you will be okay.