It hits me when I least expect it.

When I’m wandering around the city with my best friend,

In the middle of Christmas dinner with my family, or

on my drive home from work and ‘Consequences’ comes

on the radio.

Those few seconds before Camila sings, and the soft

piano flows out through my speakers.

All the memories start to rush back.

Dirty tissues, trust issues
Glasses on the sink, they didn't fix you
Lonely pillows in a strangers bed
Little voices in my head

I’m reminded of how scary it is to be left alone with

your thoughts.

And once you give them the attention, they don’t stop.

“She’s gone. She told you it was your fault.”

“You’ve only got yourself to blame.”

Secret keeping, stop the bleeding
Lost a little weight because I wasn't eating
All the souls that I can't listen to, to tell the truth

The truth?

I don’t know what the truth is anymore.

I don’t believe a single thing that came out of your mouth.

Loving you was young, and wild, and free

Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet

Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound

The moment our eyes locked across the parking lot.

For a split second, my world stopped.

A steady place to let down my defenses

All you had to do was smile at me and

In that moment all my walls came down.

But loving you had consequences

Hesitation, awkward conversation

Postponed phone calls to not speaking for days on end.

Tension so heavy that it was exhausting.

Running on low expectation

Excuse after excuse after excuse.

I found comfort in your lies, because I was afraid to accept

that things have changed.

Every siren that I was ignoring

I'm payin' for it

I knew I couldn’t save it,

No matter how hard I tried.

You see the problem was

I was the only one still fighting,

you’d given up long ago.

Loving you was young, and wild, and free

Flashbacks to driving through the Texas Mountain trail.

The sky covered in shades of bright blue and orange.

Music playing softly in the background as you watched the sky change colors.

And in that moment the only people that mattered were you and me.

Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet

Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound
A steady place to let down my defenses

But loving you had consequences

Consequences that I didn’t want to deal with.

Things that I would continue to ignore.

You were hurting me

I didn’t want to admit that…

Loving you was dumb, dark, and cheap

You made me feel hard to love.

Like my feelings weren’t valid,

As if my voice didn’t matter.

Loving you still takes shots at me

The constant “I told you so’s”

“Haha, remember when you wanted to move for her.”

“She was probably cheating on you the whole time, ya know.”

“She never loved you.”

Found loving you was sunshine, but then it poured

I thought about the night it ended.

I thought about the silence.

“I’m breaking up with you.”

I never knew silence could be so loud.

Say something. Say anything.

“Okay.”

And I lost so much more than my senses

I forgot to take care of myself.

I was so worried about making you happy.

So invested in taking care of you and your needs that

I lost touch with who I am.

I lost the most important person.

Myself.

'Cause loving you had consequences