I was young and naive

wanting someone to love me

when I didn't know what that word even means.

I confused love for lust,

caring for talking,

emotional connection for human touch.

None of these were it.

I gave up on love and moved on

but suddenly there it was again.

I found someone who treated me right

and I fell too quickly..

I didn't see that he couldn't love me

nor that he would never be the one to love me.

He is a monster.

He captured my heart with his kind words and actions

to then tear it into pieces.

He didn't care how I felt

but wanted me to feel sympathetic to his emotions.

He fakes emotions

but I knew this story all too well

I saw right through him

Yet he wanted me to wait for him

Wait for what, I said?

For him to come back and finish what he started..

For him to be ready.

Ready for what?

To come back into my life when I'm finally happy.

To destroy the joy that I created for myself, by myself.

To care for me to then leave me

To make me feel like I'm nothing more than just a body.

That might be all I was to you,

some trophy.

A trophy to brag about to your "brothers"

but not one to bring home to mom and dad.

You may think you won

but you're wrong.

I won.

You left me first

but I made the last call.

I changed my life around for me

not you.

I've grown and continue growing everyday

I'm happy

I'm in love

not with a man

but a woman.

Her name is Sydney

and I've known her for 20 years.

She is gorgeous inside and out.

She has been through a lot

but is so strong.

She never gives up on life

because she knows that she has a greater purpose.

She is driven

and has goals.

She is everything she's always wanted to be

no thanks to you.

She has really turned her life around

when she thought it was crumbling beneath her feat.

She is truly an inspiration

and I love her for that.

I love her for the woman she is

despite her past.

I love her for her compassion and endless love

despite feeling very unloved.

I love her for pushing the envelope

even if the outcome isn't great.

I love her for her

the way you could have,

the way you should have

but now never will.

I love her

the way she wanted you to

but never could.

You will read this one day

and wonder

"will I ever get her back?"

but darling,

the answer is clear to see.

You are not worthy of her time.

A girl who loves herself is not one to be reckoned with.

You met her when she had fallen out of love with herself

a dark time.

She was vulnerable

but now she see's the light.

You're too late,

for our time is gone

or perhaps

it never was our time

and never will be

thank god