There are many ways to mentally say goodbye, if you are not ready forgive, then you should reflect. Reflect on every aspect of the relationship you had with them. Pay attention to your thoughts as they come, and see them for what they are, not how you feel about them now. Reflect on them without any judgement, and you’ll start to feel better.

I don’t wanna be angry anymore, and hate takes up so much energy, but that’s what is within my comfort zone.

If you don’t want to see him again, the least you can do is reflect on your relationship with him as a whole from the very beginning to where you stand with him right now.

Don’t be scared of the past, the story line has ended, and you’re in the middle of another one.

Turning back to the first page won’t suck you back in.

It’s okay.

Think about the day you first met him. But this time, you know how it all plays out over the years.

Don’t judge based on how you feel now, remember things for how they were. I promise you, it’ll be okay.

Don’t be scared to remember how introverted you both were in the first year, and that you secretly miss those days. Maybe it was the feeling of a new beginning, because at this point you have an infinite supply of memories.

Isn’t it awesome? It’s like you’re getting to know him all over again. The first time your friends made you talk to him, when he started saying hi to you in the halls. You know what happens next, but in this moment you’re not really concerned. Then you were busy building the relationship, but now you can be more in the moment, and not worry about the future as much.

If you feel overwhelmed, just open your eyes and look at the pictures on the wall next to your bed of you, your new friends, and your new man. And this will all be behind you again.

But try to let it happen, try to remember the times he didn’t piss you off. I get it, being angry is easier. But just try, try to remember the good. Take all the time you need. Reflect on the first year, because that is the foundation of it all.

Your friends gave you a little push off the cliff, but in the end you are the one who made the splash. And it was a pretty damn good splash too. You did the thing all by yourself.

You are the one who made the difference in the end.

And if you’re overwhelmed in the end, you can say that you tried one last time.

But either way, just know that you aren’t forced to do anything right now.

Be open, or don’t be. That’s all there is to it.

You are still free, your past is your past, not your present.