Throughout my freshman year of college I struggled with a lot of things--becoming independent, doing my own laundry, and getting up for 8 a.m. classes. But I handled those. What I hadn't anticipated during my first year was the bouts of anxiety, the anger I had for feeling that way, and my depression.
I had never really experienced any of those before. I was used to a difficult work load while juggling a job and social life, so it started off as what I believed to be my stress from school. Usually during the winter, I dealt with seasonal depression, craving the suns attention when everything stayed grey for awhile. And as for the anger, that was all new and something I am still realizing that led me to what I am trying to understand about myself.
But please, do not compare your depression to mine. I'm not trying to say that my depression is more important or more real than yours. Or that my panic attacks aren't as intense or my anxiety isn't as scary. I'm asking you to please not put our feelings as equal. I can't even find words to describe mine, much less compare to someone else's. I know that when you say, "I've been there before," you are trying to soothe me, but I don't believe that you know exactly where I have been. Its contradicting, not supportive.
I am sure that you have experienced your own types of depression, separate and very different from mine, but also real. I know that. I just have trouble thinking that you went through it exactly how I did. And saying you had it a lot worse, doesn't make mine any less worse. I want a friend, a listener, someone to confide in. Not someone who debates on how much more they went through, how much worse it was for them than for me, or who really hasn't ever dealt with it and tries to say that they have.
I just want someone there.
Please, do not compare your depression to mine. No two people handle it, feel it, or express it in the same way. And thats okay. I don't want you to pretend that you know exactly what I'm going through, I don't pretend that I do for you. I don't want you to compare your depression to mine, no matter how trivial mine might seem in the scheme of things, I understand that you have been through dark mindsets as well. Depression is not something to be romanticized.
So please, do not compare my depression to yours. We can talk about our own hardships and obstacles, our own ways of dealing with it, and our own thoughts on it. But we can't compare ours because depression is not something you can compare. Anxiety is not something you can compare. Anger is not something you can compare. Or at least, something you would want to.
Its personal and real, its a part of you. Please, do not compare your depression to mine.