You know, I get the whole vegan diet and movement-- you want to eat healthier not only to avoid unnecessary health complications but also to spare the lives of abused farm animals. That's all fine and dandy.

But, there's something wrong when you decide to spare the lives of our livestock. If you're not eating animal products, then you're most certainly eating plants. What kind of sick joke are you playing here? Just because you think you're doing the animals of the world a favor by eating them means you can go right ahead and eat the world's plants? Do you not realize how many plant lives are lost because of your selfishness? I've never met a group of more thoughtless people than you.

You call yourselves ethical, yet you think killing plants for our consumption is ethical? I call bullshit.

Plant lives matter. They've mattered since the founding of America over 10,000 years ago, which is technically when the world and humanity as we know it came into existence. They keep our air clean, our springs and summers beautiful, and there's even a science dedicated to these delicate creatures. It's called botany.

But I don't think you knew that. You plant murderer. That's right--you're a plant murderer. How does it feel to eat a sunflower's seeds? They could've become wonderful little sunflowers had you not eaten them. Or how about those pumpkins? I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Every Halloween murderers like you carve designs into them and call it "tradition." You call mutilation a tradition? Hannibal Lecter would be very proud of you.

It's time to submit to your crimes against nature. Cease your consumption of any and all plants, and you will truly be what you think you are.