Dear Sisters,

This is letter is everything that I cannot say in person. This letter is the manifestation of the feelings I have had since the day I got my bid. It is not meant as shade, I don't think it is entirely our fault that we are the way we are. The chapter is new and there has been so much to deal with that sisterhood is not something that has been at the forefront of our minds like it is for more established chapters. This letter does not mean I love you or my letters any less... it just makes it harder, at least for me, to feel like I belong.

This was not the house I was expecting to get into on Bid Day but after I ran home I knew it was for the best. I strongly believed that for a few weeks. As I got further into this sorority, I started to have doubts that haunt me every chapter, sisterhood, and event that we have. I wear my letters with pride because I love them. I really do, but I don't feel like I belong here and I also feel like I may not be wanted here as well.

Every chapter, I sit alone. Not by choice because I always strategically pick a seat by girls in the hopes that I would be invited over (most of the people I would sit by are now in exec) but over the entire course of the year this has happened once.

At sisterhoods I am alone. I dread going because it is so cliquey sometimes that I am ready to go after attendance is taken. I fake a happy picture then leave. All of you go out on weekends or for peoples birthdays, some being for those I thought I was close to, yet I was not asked and there never seems to be a second thought about it. It hurts. I hate going to anything chapter related because I feel so alone and unwanted that there is no point for me to be there except that I have to be or I will be fined. It sucks.

I don't think that I should have to call my mom last minute before a speech I was asked to give about why I stay just to ask her why I stay. My parents should know that I am having an amazing time and not just hope. I don't think that I should have to fake a speech about what I think the alumnae want to hear. It should be something from the heart, not some mismatched story I concocted last minute because I was asked last minute.

It sucks. I wish it was different and I wish that I could say that at least 10 people would care if I left but I know that is not true by any means. I wish that we had a closer chapter so I would have been able to share this in person. I wish I didn't feel ignored in our group chat and I wish that people talked to me because they want to and not because they feel obligated to.

I wish all of these things, yet I am in a new chapter and this is the sacrifice that I guess I have to make for my letters. Its challenging and hard and takes a real toll on me but I always show up and I am always there for whoever needs it.

Love - M