When I was young, I’d lay in my bed with the sheets pulled up to my nose, feeling swallowed up by the darkness. I was sure a ghost would pop out and grab me, so sometimes I would completely duck my head under the covers. I felt sure that sheets would be a strong barrier between me and all sources of evil.
Sometimes, the sheets weren’t enough. I needed more protection. So, with a deep breath, I would throw the sheets off of me and run out of the dark room as fast as I could, downstairs to where my parents stayed up watching T.V. Sheepish and scared, I’d ask for one of my parents to come lay next to me until I fell asleep. Oftentimes with a sigh, one of them would volunteer as tribute, and I felt better knowing I’d absolutely get a good night’s sleep. Any monster in my room would have to wait for its attack now that I had my parents with me.
I’m an adult now. In a dorm room that is sometimes too hot and sometimes too cold, I have to find my own protection. I have to fend for myself. I’m nearly 20-years-old and still not completely comfortable with the dark, so the T.V. lightly plays in the background as I drift off to sleep. I still pull the covers up to my nose, but grew out of them having to completely cover my head. I still look to my right and get worried that my hanging bath robe is not a robe, but rather a dark creature ready to consume my soul.
I’ve got bigger problems than monsters under the bed or being scared of the dark. I have to find my own comfort. I have to sooth my own anxieties and fulfill my own needs. I’m making my own doctor’s appointments, raising my own spirits, and filing my own taxes. I am learning from old mistakes and making new ones every day. It’s scary as hell, I think anyone in their early 20’s learning to “adult” would tell you this. But it’s also freeing and fulfilling, and I am becoming quite comfortable with it. Even the most experienced in life need guidance and support. Relax. You’re probably doing a lot better than you think you are.
Soon, I will graduate from my dorm room to my own home. Just like after I left home, I will not be able to flee downstairs and get my parents. It will be just me. And I have to be okay with that. TV on and blanket pulled up to my nose, I’ll have bill due dates on my mind, but also all the amazing accomplishments I’ve reached.
