There are a series of months that I will never forget; these days changed who I am as a person and they taught me the most valuable life lesson I will ever learn. In the weeks that followed those months, I found what hitting rock bottom means. I found who I am, and what I am made of. This is what it's like to love someone who actively wanted to commit suicide. This is for those whose loved ones are struggling with suicide.
First off, I am so sorry. Sorry that your hearts been torn apart, sorry that your every thought goes back to that, sorry that you cry at the littlest things. But mainly I’m sorry that you have to go through this. I want to thank you, for loving the person, for being there and most importantly, being strong. But, I want you to know that you don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to cry, to swear and scream; you are hurting - take care of yourself too.
I need you to know something, it is the most important part. It is not your fault. Let me repeat that. It is not your fault. Read that again, and again until it clicks in. It. is. not. your. fault. Do not blame yourself for not seeing the signs, for not catching it sooner, for not getting help faster. They told you when they were ready, when they wanted your help. They told you because they trusted you enough to share their most private and intimate thoughts. No matter what, it is or was not your fault.
I am blessed, my loved one told us in time to get help. But as someone who knew everything, I faced questions myself. How do I treat them? How do I talk to them? What will we do together now? Will they still want me in their life? It took me an hour to text them the first time after treatment. Let me let you in on a little secret, just love them. Let them know that you are there, don't push them. It’s going to take time, but just love them and adjust to what they might need as they go. But just be there and love them.
In those few months, I learned something much greater then a page of advice and words. I learned that you need to love the people in your life, and make sure that they know you love them. You know how much time you have left with them or what they are going through, but just being there for them and loving them can make all the difference. I don’t want to imagine what would have happened if I hadn't been there, its every person worst fear, losing the person you love.
But in that same breath, you need to remember to take care of you and your health -both mental and physical. You need them and they need you, be each others support. I didn’t know any of this when I had to deal with this, I didn't know who to talk to. I let my guilt and shame consume me until I was barely functioning. Each time my phone rang I jumped out of my skin, praying it wasn't that call. Take care of yourself, also: It's not your fault.
So to everyone whose person is struggling with suicide, you are amazing and you are worth so much to that person. Please don't ever forget that. Also, never blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.
