To the Unforgiven,

I just want you to know that it's not because I choose not to put thought into it. It's not because I simply don't care. It's not because I'm a petty person. It's because, after life-consuming thoughts, I simply cannot forgive you.

There are so many feelings that I have felt during my lifetime, but the feelings I get when I see your face, hear your voice in my head, or see something that reminds me of you are feelings that I have never felt before in my life. They're difficult to describe, but it's somewhere between being hurt and angry.

When I look into a mirror, sometimes your presence looms over my head, compressing my brain with damaging thoughts and suffocating me with what once was your affection. It's like being in a crowded room and then you get brought up and the space suddenly evacuates so my brain is consumed with you and our memories together. The anxiety associated with you now speaks volumes, the tears that occasionally stream down are painful, and the walls that now surround my heart are excruciatingly impassable.

Ultimately, you hurt me too much. You captured my heart and took gentle care of it until you decided to squeeze it and let it crumble in your hands. I want you to realize what you took when it ended. You took a large part of my happy spirit. You took away my drive to associate with people. You took away the remainder of my clean brain that is now consumed by your convictions that I am now forced to believe. You took away a part of me that I enjoyed, and once I realized you took that, I was overwhelmed with sadness and surprisingly, mild insanity. You changed me to the point of not being able to be myself anymore, and that is still soul-shocking to me.

I am not able to trust unfamiliar people deeply. I am not able to speak without feeling like a nuisance. I'm not able to go a day without thinking of you and the innumerable reasons why you hurt my soul.

This is going to sound insane, but, out of all of this, I still heart-achingly miss you. You were a huge part of my life, one of my best friends, and we always went on crazy adventures. I saw us in the future causing ruckus in the nursing home. I saw us sharing stories about our lives to future generations. I saw us conquering the enemies of the world. I saw you, and I cannot verbalize how freaking difficult it is to remove you from my visions of the future.

Thank you for being a lesson learned and an unforgettable experience. I want you to know that I put thought into healing from your actions daily. I want you to know that I still care WAY too much. I want you to know that I'm still as overly sensitive as you remember. Even though you gave all this to me, I will never be able to forgive you.

Sincerely,

The Simply Unforgiving Girl