It's no secret that I'm not one for being around other people often, considering I wrote a whole article about it in the past. But what might come as a shock to most people, even those I call my close friends, is that on the rare occasions I do choose to hang out with someone (or multiple people) it's probably the best feeling.
I'm a very secluded person in general. Outside of a few people, I don't really keep in constant communication with my friends and, for the most part, that's always been OK with me. However, there are times when I want nothing more than to kick back with people who make me laugh and forget about everything else going on in my life, and that's when things get a little less heavy.
As someone who always tries to get good grades in school (this last semester I managed four A's and 1 B+) one can imagine the level of stress I'm under almost constantly. Between homework assignments, quizzes, exams, discussion board posts, and everything else imaginable, it gets to be too much sometimes.
So when an opportunity arises to let loose and have a good time, I'll gladly take it.
My twenty-fourth birthday just passed, and I spent it drinking and dancing with some of my closest friends. It was nothing short of a perfect night, even if one of my friends almost fought someone for getting in his way while he was dancing.
But we'll skip over that part.
Because I'm not typically the kind of person that goes out and "parties" I always feel the need to explain myself afterward. People will judge you no matter what it is you do, something I've learned the hard way, and defending yourself is usually more bad than good. I don't think of it much like a defense, though—more so a way to say why I choose to do things like this which, to some, are seen as "out of character."
When I'm around people I care about, having a good time, relaxed, and enjoying the moment, everything suddenly feels better. The worries I have in my life are almost melted away entirely and the only thing I can think of is when the last time I felt this way was because I missed it oh, so much.
That may sound like an exaggeration, but it's honestly true.
I'm in my head 99.9% of the time, overthinking and overanalyzing every possible situation. I worry about school, I worry about my family, I worry about my friends, I worry about the character in my favorite TV show, I basically worry about everything. But the one time I'm virtually free from these overwhelming thoughts is when I'm around the people I love, shockingly enough.
I never thought I'd find so much joy in spending time with others. Like I said previously, it's always been something hard for me to do and I tend to stress out about hanging out with people more than I stress about whether my hair looks good that day (and trust me, that's a lot.)
But, the truth is, once I allow myself to let go and be in the moment, I can't imagine what it would have been like to not do so.
There have been many times when I almost didn't go to plans I was invited to. I wasn't in the mood or I was feeling very solitary that day (or night) and I wanted to cancel with every fiber of my being. But I didn't, and when I was actually there, I couldn't help but think how dumb I would have been if I had gone through with bailing.
It's easy to hide out in my room, avoiding human contact and pretending like the world only revolves around me and whatever TV show or movie I'm currently watching that day, but just because it's easy doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
And that's a lesson I've had the pleasure of learning as of late.
I am eternally grateful for all of my friends who have put up with me when I've been the worst to have around, when I've avoided going anywhere because I wanted to be alone, and when I ditched out on multiple plans at the last minute because I was too scared to say I didn't wanna go sooner. I'm learning now that, sometimes, I gotta bite the bullet and suck it up, because I could be missing some of the best times and the greatest memories every time I back out.
This is not me saying I'm going to be going out every single day, or partying every weekend, but it is me saying that when I do decide to have a little fun, I think it's for a good reason.
Life can be stressful, one's own mind can be a hard place to live in. Sometimes, you just wanna some fun, and there's no better way to do so than with the people who love you for you.
So, to M and J, I can't wait to make more wild, crazy, drunk memories together. Thank you for showing me what fun could be if I let myself have it.
And to others like me, who avoid going out at all costs and try their best to keep to themselves—stepping out of your comfort zone is really not as bad as you'd think. Try it out every now and then.
You might regret not doing so later on.