To the person who used to be my friend,

Sometimes I see you walking around campus. On the rare occasions you’re alone, I run to you, leaving my friends behind. I happily give you a hug and say hi, to which you respond with half as much excitement. But, I’m still glad to see you. The thing is, after that air hug and indifferent hi, I’m not sure what to do. We small talk as if we’re distant relatives, seeing each other for the first time in five years. It feels awkward, cold even, so we plan for a coffee date in some time in the distant future and go our separate ways. I remember when everything felt natural.

I remember when we used to be friends.

I think friendship is like growing a plant. It needs the perfect amount of sunlight, temperature, and humidity. In that sense, high school was a great environment for our friendship to grow. The same dorm, the same friend group, the same enemies. You and I spent a lot of time together. With you I have done crazy stuff, stupid stuff, and on the rare occasions, something helpful. I’m sad that our plant died, but I’m even more devastated because I never found out the reason why it died. It’s always vague and blurry. You feel some kind of line and then it becomes a wall.

I guess I kind of expected this to happen.

When the environment changes, friendships fall through. Every year, with the change of schedule or class, school or clubs, we change. Whenever it happens, I still feel empty inside becoming strangers with you. See that’s the thing, there’s so many of you. And every one of you takes a part of me when you leave. The TV show we watched together, the music that we called our song, and the little traditions we did together, they linger even when I’m alone.

I’m not even sure why I suddenly thought of you tonight. Maybe because it's almost my birthday, our birthday. By the time this gets posed, it would be past our birthday: the first time not celebrating with you ever since I’ve met you. October 2nd, I will always think of you. Even more so, because this time last year, we were friends.

I’m not sure what I wanted to say, but I miss you. I regret how things ended, but I don’t think I would have changed anything. But, I hope one day in our adult lives we run into each other, more mature and more sincere.

Sincerely,

Someone who used to be your friend.