Yes, some kid has tried to pull a Squints on me. He wasn’t stupid enough to actually drown himself, so I didn’t have to get in, but he kept making eyes at me and telling his friend to watch him as he fake drowned. I definitely shot back a Wendy Peffercorn glare while I slightly slid my sunglasses off my nose. It worked.

Before making assumptions, here's what you should know:

1. You definitely get a tan. What everyone fails to mention is that if you sit in a chair all day, only the front half of you becomes nicely golden, while the back half still looks like a freshly painted porcelain doll. I call it half-toasted.
2. Unlimited access to certain concession stand foods and group food runs lead to unhealthy eating habits. We don’t all sport a six pack, not to mention, our slightly above minimum wage paychecks don’t support the daily hunger wants. (Let’s be honest, though. Our thoughts mostly consume of what our next meal is going to be anyway, so what does it matter?)
3. Dirty work is involved. Poop patrol, spill clean-up, vomit vacuums…you name it, we do it. We clean bathrooms, the pool deck, the water, the kitchen areas, the offices, etc.
4. Yes, we did just hear you tell your embarrassing story to your friend. We have ears, and just because we only talk when we’re yelling at kids not to run or hang on lane lines, we DO listen in on conversations. We’re not nosey (okay, some of us are…), but it gets boring sitting on stand.
5. WE ARE NOT BABYSITTERS. I will leave it to that.
6. Training is actually required. It is not as easy as you might think.
7. If something happens, one of us, if not all, are liable. We are probably getting fired, or worse, sued. It’s terrifying. I’m not just talking about if someone lets a kid slip under the water and choke. I mean, heart attacks, strokes, seizures… We are trained to know what to do in the case of an emergency, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t freaking out. We are responsible for PEOPLE’S LIVES.
8. On that last note, we actually care. It’s not just the consequences of what would happen if we didn’t do our job. Most of us actually care about everyone’s safety.
9. Also, we are expert meteorologists. We can detect thunder and lightning miles away. We know that if nothing is in the forecast, something will likely happen. On the flip side, if it’s supposed to rain, it won’t until we close. Certain clouds bring certain weather, and we can always tell if you need to break out the sunscreen instead of the tanning oil just by looking outside.
10. And yes. We do stare at you through our sunglasses. Watching people is our job, though, so is it really staring?