Finding patience and peace in the Lord.

Finding patience and peace in the Lord.

"Just wait."
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Patience: it's something that I definitely don't have. I hate waiting, and I hate not knowing what's coming next. I mean, don't we all? Don't we all want to have control of what happens next? Don't we all wish that we could place ourselves into certain situations with certain people?

I have the hardest time letting go of that control. I have the hardest time knowing that I have no control of what comes next. And yeah, I know that I can't make things happen, but I think the hardest part for me is letting go of that control and giving it to someone else. You mean to tell me that someone else knows what's going to happen next, yet I have no idea? Someone else is quietly orchestrating everything in my life to happen a certain way? That's absolutely terrifying.

If you are even remotely familiar with Christianity, you've probably heard of Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The Lord knows our future, and He only wants good for you. Yet no matter how many times I'm reminded of this, I still feel unable to trust Him... but why? Why is it so hard to give up the control I desire?

I think the biggest obstacle for me is trusting that His plan is better than mine ever could be. I know in my heart that He is SO good and has wonderful plans for me. However, actually believing that with my whole being is really hard. Believing in someone who is bigger and better than I can comprehend/see seems almost impossible.

Also, I tend to get so caught up in what my future holds that I forget where I am. The Lord placed me in the situation I'm currently in as a part of His bigger plan, but I get so distracted by what's next that I completely miss out on what He's trying to do for me.

So how do I fix this?? I think the most important thing is to remind myself who He is. By spending more time with Him, we get to know Him better. We get to experience/feel how much He really does love us. And how could we not trust someone who loves us more than anything? How could we not give up the control of our lives to someone who sees us as perfect and wants the best for us?

So, instead of worrying about when the perfect boy will come along or when that job offer will finally end in your lap, rest in Him. He's planning some great things for you, and no matter how hard it is to actually trust Him, He'll always prove that He is truly good. Be present in the situation He currently has you in, because I promise it's all part of the plan.

Go to Him daily to be reminded of His goodness and love for you. He is quietly whispering "just wait," but if you're not listening, you're gonna miss it.

Cover Image Credit: me

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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My Relationship With Religion Will Never Be Black And White

and that's okay!

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I was raised Christian let's get that out the way. Growing up in a small town I went to Awana (a children's church group Wednesday nights) and then once I was in middle school started youth group that night instead as well as a normal church on Sundays. If you would ask me from me being really young to probably around 15 I was all about church and building a relationship with God.

After leaving public school and growing my presence online and meeting so many people from all walks of life, I started questioning things.

Suddenly, I was immersed in this community with the best people who just loved everyone regardless of gender or sexuality or race and it was the place I was able to come to terms with something I had always repressed, my feelings towards girls.

I knew the moment I started talking to a girl named Laura that I had feelings for her I would normally have for a boy and because of the people I now had around me I just didn't suppress it. I identified online and eventually to family and friends as bisexual.

My questions started with wondering how my god this loving all knowing entity I had always known was un-accepting and promoted the exclusion of the LGBTQ+ community from the Christian faith. I knew that this community was full of the most loving and creative and beautiful people I have ever met and that was the start of me knowing my relationship with God would never be the same.

As I grew up and have become an activist for the things that mean a lot to me I have stopped attending church and have begun to see that I do not want any part in ANY religion that takes part in shunning anyone based on how they identify. I have been vocal about this to many people some more excepting then others but regardless I will never again take part in something that I myself am not 100% accepted within

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