Sure, I'm On The Path To Decency, But Don't Expect Me To Be Perfect Anytime Soon

Sure, I'm On The Path To Decency, But Don't Expect Me To Be Perfect Anytime Soon

It takes two seconds to be nice, but for me its taken two decades
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This is probably the hardest thing I have ever written, so bear with me as I explain myself.

I know that in the hall at school or passing by, you see me smile and wave, and you do the same. What you don’t know is that sometimes it’s hard to even do that.

My whole life I’ve always tried to get people to like me. I’m a people pleaser. When I was a kid, I would wear clothes that my biological mom bought for me proudly because I thought she would one day let me pick out something for myself, or just like me. I let her push me around like a doll.

When I was in elementary school, I was mean. I wasn’t nice to certain girls because the popular girls weren’t. I lost one of my best friends in 4th grade because a certain girl didn’t like her. I wanted everyone to like me, but I made the wrong choice. I left elementary with bad memories and torn friendships that I haven’t spoken to them since then. I made a mistake when I was 9 and that kind of set me on a path until now. I traded the meanness for ignorance and chose not to care about anything. I didn't care if no one liked me because I wouldn't put forth an effort. That could’ve been the mistake that made my life. My then ignorance turned into lots of social anxiety.

As I have said in a previous article, I came from a strict society and from there, is where I began my path to decency. I got dragged back down in high school by making the wrong friends at first, getting involved in the petty drama that shouldn’t have even happened, and not caring what happened after.

Being nice to everyone can be hard when you started out mean. The influence you have growing up establishs everything. I had a very negative birth mother, I was born into the depression I have now and I am still working hard to get a balance.

And you must think, “Mari, it takes two seconds to be nice to someone and make their day…” I’m aware of this fact, and I do take more than two seconds to make someone’s day now, but it’s more about the friendships.

I have a hard time making friends now because I don't know how to be a friend. This isn't a pity party sentence, but don't make the same mistake I did. The only reason I have my boyfriend is that I refused to let myself give up on him, and I'm still fighting my nonchalant attitude that I've grown to adapt my whole life.

Everyone has flaws and mistakes they’ve made, and this is mine. If I could go back and redo all of it, I would. I want to be a nice person that everyone knows, but I’m still struggling with it. I’m kind, but I don’t show it. I care but I say I don’t. It’s tricky, but patience is something that is needed with me.

It’s work that gets exhausting at time, but I still push.

Cover Image Credit: Personal Photo

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To The Nursing Major During The Hardest Week Of The Year

I know that no grade can possibly prove what kind of nurse you will be. I know that no assignment will showcase your compassion. I know that no amount of bad days will ever take away the empathy inside of you that makes you an exceptional nurse.

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To the Nursing Major During Finals Week,

I know you're tired, I know you're stressed, and I know you feel like you can't go on. I know that no part of this seems fair, and I know you are by far the biggest critic of yourself. I know that you've thought about giving up. I know that you feel alone. I know that you wonder why in the world you chose one of the hardest college majors, especially on the days it leaves you feeling empty and broken.

But, I also know that you love nursing school. I know your eyes light up when you're with patients, and I know your heart races when you think of graduation. I know that you love the people that you're in school with, like truly, we're-all-in-this-together, family type of love. I know that you look at the older nurses with admiration, just hoping and praying that you will remain that calm and composed one day. I know that every time someone asks what your college major is that you beam with pride as you tell them it's nursing, and I know that your heart skips a beat knowing that you are making a difference.

I know that no grade can possibly prove what kind of nurse you will be. I know that no assignment will showcase your compassion. I know that a failed class doesn't mean you aren't meant to do this. I know that a 'C' on a test that you studied so. dang. hard. for does not mean that you are not intelligent. I know that no amount of bad days will ever take away the empathy inside of you that makes you an exceptional nurse.

I know that nursing school isn't fair. I know you wish it was easier. I know that some days you can't remember why it's worth it. I know you want to go out and have fun. I know that staying up until 1:00 A.M. doing paperwork, only to have to be up and at clinicals before the sun rises is not fair. I know that studying this much only to be failing the class is hard. I know you wish your friends and family understood. I know that this is difficult.

Nursing school isn't glamorous, with the white lab coat and stethoscope. Nursing school is crying, randomly and a lot. Nursing school is exhaustion. Nursing school is drinking so much coffee that you lose track. Nursing school is being so stressed that you can't eat. Nursing school is four cumulative finals jam-packed into one week that is enough to make you go insane.

But, nursing school is worth it. I know that when these assignments are turned in and finals are over, that you will find the motivation to keep going. I know that one good day of making a difference in a patient's life is worth a hundred bad days of nursing school.

Keep hanging in there, nursing majors. It'll all be worth it— this I know, for sure.

So, if you have a nursing major in your life, hug them and tell them that you're proud of them. Nursing school is tough, nursing school is scary, and nursing school is overwhelming; but a simple 'thank-you' from someone we love is all we need to keep going.

Sincerely,

A third-year nursing student who knows

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To The High School Graduating Seniors

I know you're ready, but be ready.

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Seniors,

I am not going to say anything about senioritis because I was ready to get out of there and I'm sure you are too; however, in your last months living at home you should take advantage of the luxuries you will not have in a college dorm. The part of college seen in movies is great, the rest of it is incredibly inconvenient. It is better to come to terms with this While you still have plenty of time to prepare and enjoy yourself.

Perhaps one of the most annoying examples is the shower. Enjoy your hot, barefoot showers now because soon enough you will have no water pressure and a drain clogged with other people's hair. Enjoy touching your feet to the floor in the shower and the bathroom because though it seems weird, it's a small thing taken away from you in college when you have to wear shoes everywhere.

Enjoy your last summer with your friends. After this summer, any free time you take is a sacrifice. For example, if you want to go home for the summer after your freshman year and be with your friends, you have to sacrifice an internship. If you sacrifice an internship, you risk falling behind on your resume, and so on. I'm not saying you can't do that, but it is not an easy choice anymore.

Get organized. If you're like me you probably got good grades in high school by relying on your own mind. You think I can remember what I have to do for tomorrow. In college, it is much more difficult to live by memory. There are classes that only meet once or twice a week and meeting and appointments in between that are impossible to mentally keep straight. If you do not yet have an organizational system that works for you, get one.

I do not mean to sound pessimistic about school. College is great and you will meet a lot of people and make a lot of memories that will stick with you for most of your life. I'm just saying be ready.

-A freshman drowning in work

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