Sure, I'm On The Path To Decency, But Don't Expect Me To Be Perfect Anytime Soon
Start writing a post
Student Life

Sure, I'm On The Path To Decency, But Don't Expect Me To Be Perfect Anytime Soon

It takes two seconds to be nice, but for me its taken two decades

241
Sure, I'm On The Path To Decency, But Don't Expect Me To Be Perfect Anytime Soon
Personal Photo

This is probably the hardest thing I have ever written, so bear with me as I explain myself.

I know that in the hall at school or passing by, you see me smile and wave, and you do the same. What you don’t know is that sometimes it’s hard to even do that.

My whole life I’ve always tried to get people to like me. I’m a people pleaser. When I was a kid, I would wear clothes that my biological mom bought for me proudly because I thought she would one day let me pick out something for myself, or just like me. I let her push me around like a doll.

When I was in elementary school, I was mean. I wasn’t nice to certain girls because the popular girls weren’t. I lost one of my best friends in 4th grade because a certain girl didn’t like her. I wanted everyone to like me, but I made the wrong choice. I left elementary with bad memories and torn friendships that I haven’t spoken to them since then. I made a mistake when I was 9 and that kind of set me on a path until now. I traded the meanness for ignorance and chose not to care about anything. I didn't care if no one liked me because I wouldn't put forth an effort. That could’ve been the mistake that made my life. My then ignorance turned into lots of social anxiety.

As I have said in a previous article, I came from a strict society and from there, is where I began my path to decency. I got dragged back down in high school by making the wrong friends at first, getting involved in the petty drama that shouldn’t have even happened, and not caring what happened after.

Being nice to everyone can be hard when you started out mean. The influence you have growing up establishs everything. I had a very negative birth mother, I was born into the depression I have now and I am still working hard to get a balance.

And you must think, “Mari, it takes two seconds to be nice to someone and make their day…” I’m aware of this fact, and I do take more than two seconds to make someone’s day now, but it’s more about the friendships.

I have a hard time making friends now because I don't know how to be a friend. This isn't a pity party sentence, but don't make the same mistake I did. The only reason I have my boyfriend is that I refused to let myself give up on him, and I'm still fighting my nonchalant attitude that I've grown to adapt my whole life.

Everyone has flaws and mistakes they’ve made, and this is mine. If I could go back and redo all of it, I would. I want to be a nice person that everyone knows, but I’m still struggling with it. I’m kind, but I don’t show it. I care but I say I don’t. It’s tricky, but patience is something that is needed with me.

It’s work that gets exhausting at time, but I still push.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

54278
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

34926
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

957250
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

182900
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments