Dear Me,

How’s it going? Wait, no, don’t answer that. I know how it’s going. I know because I get to watch you every day. It’s not as fun as it seems.

I got to watch you work on that assignment all night. It’s funny because you actually got the assignment a couple weeks ago. It’s almost like you could have worked on it a little bit every day since it was assigned instead of working on it all in one night. I don’t know; it’s just a thought. I’m sure that assignment was really good and well thought out. I’m sure it didn’t feel rushed and nonsensical at all due to the fact that you were sleep deprived when you wrote it. Nope, you did super well and made some great decisions. Good job.

And all that coffee you’ve been buying? Totally a good use of your money. Sure, it takes like 12 cups to actually affect you because you’re so addicted to it so that means that you drain a lot of money just to barely stay awake. But sure, go ahead, buy another cup. Great substitute for the sleep you should be getting.

But, nah, sleep isn’t that important. In fact, I’m glad that, on most nights that you aren’t working on something you procrastinated, you stay up until 2 a.m. to watch Netflix. Who cares if it keeps making you sleep through your alarm and miss breakfast? Despite the fact that you spent the whole day yawning and complaining about how you want to go to sleep, you totally didn’t need more than the four hours of sleep you got.

You know, maybe it would be easier to sleep if you didn’t take 10 naps a day. Just a thought. And maybe if you slept at reasonable times, you would have taken notes in class that day that you decided to just zone out. But, hey, you totally won’t be unprepared for the upcoming test at all. It’s fine.

Also, that time you got sick? Totally not because of the fact that you have bad sleeping habits and eat really poorly. Like, you totally could have grabbed that salad that was right in front of you, even just a side salad. But I think that your plate full of tan-colored foods was probably super healthy. Goes great with your really active lifestyle where you always take the elevator because the stairs wind you. You’re practically Jillian Michaels.

Also really happy about that huge pile of laundry you haven’t done, your creative use of dry shampoo after not washing your hair for too long, and that day when you spent like $50 that you didn’t have on stuff you didn’t need. Really excited to deal with the consequences of those.

But in all seriousness, I love you. You’re doing the best you can and still killing the game. You deserve a few rewards because of that (though maybe not as many as you’re giving yourself). Keep doing you. But, like, try doing it a little better.

Peace out,

Me (or is it You? Us? Ugh, I don't know. I'm taking a nap.)