We are no longer children or a teenagers, but in no way shape or form, high functioning adults.

Oh how I do love being twenty, but secretly have some sort of resentment towards growing up bottled up inside me. I’m moving forward, but when I look at my life, it’s slowly, but surely trucking along to this perfectly timed, pretend agenda of when to’s I created forever ago. So far, I’ve learned life is going to kick me in the ass more times than I can count and I just have to figure out how to come out on top more often than not. Let’s be honest, I’m only somewhat figuring it out.

I’m a natural born list maker, so of course, I wanted to see if I was doing this adult thing right!

1. My mom did my taxes for me.

2. I couldn’t get my house in order one week so I had a cleaning lady do it. (Adult thing to do or not? I’m not quite sure.)

3. I went to the grocery store with a list, and only ended up buying sunflower seeds and cookie dough.

4. I set off the fire alarm while baking pizza rolls…….

I’m 20, if I haven’t learned by now, will I ever?

The list could go on, and I’m sure yours might look different than mine, but these little things have me wondering if I’m ever going to figure it out and just know all the little details about making doctor appointments, insurance, pay all of my bills— not just most of them. I’m just waiting for the day I don’t have to ask someone how long I should heat up my food in the microwave for.

So here I am: I find myself day dreaming about my future and all the endless possibilities that could sweep me off my feet, but that mini-brain vacation quickly ends as I realize my marketing professor is reviewing for our cumulative midterm and my phone is blowing up with a million and ten emails about things I’ve overcommitted to.

Then I remember, our 20’s is our trial and error period. It’s all about self discovery, and figuring out who we want to be and how exactly we want to get there. You have to look at the progress you’ve made— taking that internship across country, starting that new club, volunteering somewhere you’re passionate about. We sometimes let the positives slip through the cracks when we are knit picking.

The thing is, we don’t have to know everything as long as we are willing to try new things and break out of our comfort zone to reach new heights, we will do just fine. We have these pressures to do and be better, but when you let go of everyone else’s expectation of you and just do what speaks to your soul, you will learn so much about what you are capable of, and in the process, you’ll learn how to “do it all” or at least fake it. We’re all in the same boat; we just need the life preserver at different times.