When I had been anticipating Outcry, I was not sure what to expect. To tell the truth, the date had crept up on me. Now that the semester was winding down and coming to an end, I was busy with papers and projects. I also had not made it to my home church for a few weeks now, being that I had been away for the past few weekends. I felt disconnected and not as grounded in God. If I am being honest, though, I was okay with that.

My family has been preparing to move, and the move has brought back some of my demons. Demons which helped resurface confusion, pain and questions, making it easier for me to distance myself from God. The concert though, was a breath of fresh air, and I had forgotten how music could always pull me back in, how in worship I could always feel free. I could momentarily forget that I felt like I was drowning in the grief and pain pressing down upon me.

The first impact the concert had on me was the numbers it drew. It truly was amazing to see the BB&T Pavilion packed with people, all sharing and coming together for a common purpose: to spend a night worshiping God. Amidst the music and set list of songs, I could hear people yelling out, praising Jesus' name. And seeing everyone's hands raised and the honest worship of those around me was all incredibly live-giving. I was not alone in this faith that I was struggling to grasp and hold onto.

The second impact Outcry had on me was that the entirety of the concert was focused on glorifying God. Yes, I know, this is literally the reason behind the tour, but having just been to another concert, where the music and musicians were the focus, it was strange to be in a place where the musicians pointed to someone else. The musicians did not seek recognition, in fact they had no time for that, since they themselves were worshipping. That made musician and audience member alike, equal, and all there for one purpose: glorifying God.

The final impact Outcry had on me was the music and songs themselves. I had the chance to hear Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) in person. It's a song that came out the summer after my sister's death-- a song that I attribute as giving me words to the feelings, fears and frustrations I could not express. I also got introduced to Elevation Worship, whose songs to which I immediately connected. Their song, Resurrection, spoke to me.

The lyrics, "By your spirit I will rise, from the ashes of defeat, The resurrected King is resurrecting me" were powerful to me. I felt dead, still am feeling, dead and weak inside. I feel defeated because losing my sister has defeated my family in every single way possible it seems. I have watched our spirits break, watched as the security we had once felt in each other be ripped away. But what an image of hope- that my family and I will rise from this. The hope that we will come alive, "To declare your victory."

The other song that hit me was "O Come to the Altar" where the words "Jesus is calling" are repeated over and over. That welcome, to come and "leave behind your regrets and mistakes, Come today there's no reason to wait." And then the next line, "Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy, From the ashes a new life is born, Jesus is calling."

In these songs I felt my consciousness melt away, and the focus was no longer on me. My fears and problems were distanced from me, they seemed smaller, and God's presence was bigger, He was what was real. And I danced and sang and praised, comforted and content in the reassurance that all that mattered was Him.

That sense was fleeting, as the next day reality hit me once again. Yet, what an incredible blessing it was to come up for air from all the turmoil. What a blessing it was to be surrounded by others doing the same-- others who put aside their lives, fears, sins, worries, and struggles, just as I did, to recognize that God was sovereign over it all. To give glory to Him, despite life circumstance. To remember why it is we are all here, that we have a purpose and calling that He has appointed us with, and that we might live intentionally, and glorify Him through it all.