An Open Letter To Myself When I Turn 30

Dear 30-year-old me,

Just as we both know, so much can happen in a year. And in ten years, everything will be changed. Right now, I have no idea where you will be, no idea of what you will look like, or how you will see things, but I can tell you what I hope for you in ten years.

Hopefully, you have graduated from college with a Bachelor's Degree, if not more (but at this point, you are just convincing yourself each day not to drop out). I hope you stuck with it after you put this much work into school. You're working hard, so don't give up. That applies to so much more than just school too. Self-discipline is a great thing, and it has pushed us to accomplish so much, but it also has provided set backs with our physical and mental health. Be conscious of your limits!

It's okay to take time for yourself. And it is more than okay to slow down.

And on that whole true love thing, finding the right man is so hard. I pray when you read this letter that you laugh and show your hubby, but if there is no hubby, laugh anyway. Your younger self has no idea who you will marry, or if you'll have kids before you turn 30. If this hasn't happened yet, I hope you have started the process to adopt a kid. You love children and have great maternal instincts. And if there is still no guy, that's okay. He either hasn't arrived yet or just isn't coming. Not everyone is meant to be married. I really hope that isn't the case for you, but you'll survive if it is.

I have no idea where you live. If you moved away from your hometown, please remember to visit. That place was your childhood home. That land is what you were raised. Give it the respect it deserves. Plus, your family does like to see you, even if you are still a sassy brat.

By the time you turn 30, I really hope you get over your anxiety. You may look calm and collected on the outside, but your insides are screaming and crying. It would be so nice to feel comfortable in public, yah know? So, in better words, I hope you have your crap together in ten years.

Oh, and do you have a personal study/library wherever you live? You always wanted one of those. Also, check your bank account before you go to a bookstore because it may prevent you from going in the first place. Some girls like getting their nails done, but you, strange one, could buy an entire bookstore.

Also, when is the last time you sat down, picked up a pen, and wrote? Poetry? Journal? An actual story? Please don't give that up, even if it ends up not being in your career. Writing is what held you together the first twenty years of your life. It's how you coped. You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to everyone that has encouraged you over the years to keep going. Remember your senior yearbook in high school and all those notes saying, "Can't wait to see where your writing takes you?" Well, this letter is holding you accountable. If no one else can get through to you, then this will. I mean, come on, are you really going to argue with yourself?

Have you traveled anywhere else? You wanted to travel the world and write down everything you see. I hope that is still a desire of yours in the future.

Oh, and just a reminder that you hate shopping. You especially hate buying new jeans to replace old ones because they no longer fit, so watch yourself and that waist line missy!

Above all, if you got nothing out of this letter, please at least take this part with you: God has got your back. I can't even imagine the current trials you are facing, but the only thing I am sure of is that there will be something to face. There always will be something to battle, so "be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord." (Psalms 31: 24) Better things are to come, and I know this because when you read this, you'll have ten more years of experience than you do now.

One of your favorite quotes is: "Real isn't how you are made, it's a thing that happens to you." You're still standing ten years later, and you are more real and true than you will ever know. God loves you, your family loves you, and I love you. You would never be able to love anyone else as deeply as you are capable of if you didn't love yourself.

With all my love,

your (almost) 20 year old self,

who is tired and exhausted,

but still thriving.

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