At one time you had me convinced I was nothing. Garbage. Undeserving of you or anyone else. At one time, I believed it.
But not anymore. No...
Now, I do not appreciate you. I do not applaud how strong you made me. Why? I should never have had to be.
There are no winners here. You lost the best thing you ever had, a loving and caring woman who bent over backwards for you despite you breaking her down day by day by day. Tore her confidence and trust to pieces. Beat her when she was already down.
She lost her confidence, her will to survive, faith in humanity. All for what? Love? A love that was selfish and toxic?
I am not proud to have been that woman. I am not proud to have given so much of myself to have been given so little in return.
However, I have learned many things from you and what you did to me.
I have learned that I am worthy of being loved by someone who deserves me someday.
I have learned to love my flaws, and fix those I cannot live with for myself and not others.
I have learned how to fight back and not allow others to tear me down.
I am not what you made me, a weak and flawed girl. Instead, I am strong because I overcame your toxicity. I am what I made myself into. I overcame the abuse. I can move mountains because I know I am capable of such strength.
You feared what I was capable of. You played the victim every time you saw my strength and all that I could do. I now have that drive to prove to myself that I can have that strength again.
I will never be able to forget what all you have done to me. One day I will find someone who will appreciate me after I fully repair myself. The scars are deep, but with time those heal and will remind me of what I have endured.
You do still haunt me. In my dreams, in my low points, all the things you told me come flooding back at times. A constant reminder that I once fell so low. But no more. I pull myself out as I have many times before.
And for that, I do thank you. The only reason I thank you is you showed me that I can overcome some of the lowest of lows. I can crawl from the deepest pits of depression and come out the other side with just a few deep, mendable lacerations to my spirit. Let it be known that I do not forgive you.