Dear Clemson University,
For the next few years, you will hold my best friend "hostage" from me between your hills and smother her in that hideous orange and purple.
The best friend that attended the same elementary, middle and high school with me. You managed to get her away from me -- 113.096 miles away to be exact. And for that I have more anger for your institution than any other student that does not attend there does.
For the past year and a half, you have kept her from me at the times I needed her most, and also when she needed me. After everything we have been through, she is the piece of duct tape that holds my life and sanity together. I could not have imagined going through my daddy's death without her. Taking a trip to my school's rival is not how I care to spend my weekends or my spring break. I break out in hives when I see so much orange and hear "go Tigers" after every corner I turn, and of course I always end up in an argument with one of your fans. But I do it for my best friend, to an extent that is.
I have so much dislike for your university because that's what rivals are for, right? I dislike your sports teams because that's what rivals do. I can only think about how I attend the best school in the state because that is my school, where my heart resides, my personal experiences and because again, that's what rivals do. I dislike your colors because nothing is more flattering than garnet and black and because the colors orange and purple instantly make me think of Clemson, and I can't like anything associated with you, since that's against rival rules. Yeah, it's in the handbook that I haven't made yet (coming soon). And I mean, let's be real, which school in this state has not one, but TWO back-to-back National Championships? TWO.
However, despite my dislike for you and everything about you, I thank you. Thank you for taking care of her, making sure she eats by giving her good food in the dining halls (because this is literally what 50% of our conversations consist of and/or take place in). Thank you for making her happy. Throughout all the years we have been friends, I have never seen her so passionate about something like she is about your university. But, I beg you, please, pretty please with cherries and Gamecocks on top, do not influence her to pick orange and purple as her wedding colors, when the day does come. It would be my biggest misfortune to have to decline or step down from the maid-of-honor position.
I hope you know that you got a good one with her. I hope out of the thousands of students enrolled in your campus, you realize how special she is. Regardless of the students that have higher GPAs or the students that are athletes, in student government or any of those other little things that colleges care about, you've got the biggest heart in the world walking your campus.
Just know that, after she walks across "Lil John" and gets her degree, I'm snatching her from your campus, and she will be mine again (insert evil laugh).
But until then, I just have one favor to ask of you. Can you and the University of South Carolina please, please, please coordinate to have spring break on the same weeks for the next two years? Because if you can't, well, I may just have an emotional breakdown.
Sincerely,
The girl who's best friend attends there, that really misses her and really wants to have the same spring break next year.
P.S. Go Cocks!