To My Grandmother

To My Grandmother

We really need to end the hatred, we are only wasting time.

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This May will mark two years since my Grandfather's funeral in 2017. My Grandparents divorced in the 1980s and to my knowledge never communicated again except for custody or regarding their children, my mother, Kim, and her younger brother, J.R.

When I was about ten my mother took me on a week-long trip to San Antonio, Texas to visit my grandfather Donnie Reed and his second wife, my Grandma Pat. I had never remembered visiting them prior to that trip. We were able to see what my grandfather did for a living prior to his retirement and even visit his closed mechanic shop. We visited Bandera, TX with my grandfather also that week, The "Cowboy Capitol of The World". I also got to visit several museums in western life and early Texas history. I am still thankful that I was able to go to Texas to visit my Grandfather when he was in somewhat good health.

In 2017 my grandfather succumbed to cancer at an early age and passed, alone in a Texas nursing home. No one should have to die alone, my grandfather, however, was worse than the nursing staff believed, and he was not expected to die early. My Uncle lived within 30 miles of my grandfather's house, but they did not communicate for various reasons.

In 2010 when my Grandma Pat passed away, I was on a School Honor Band trip in Troy, Alabama. I was not able to attend the funeral of pay respects. My mother, however, did attend. After that trip, my mother began convincing my grandfather to come to Alabama some to visit his last remaining relatives and attend their family reunions. In May of 2011, he came to Alabama for 1 month, he returned in October of 2011. He did the same for 2012. In 2013-2015 he came for just the May visit.

I am thankful for those years he was able to come and visit to build a relationship with my family. I have only had one biological grandfather growing up, that being my maternal grandfather. My paternal grandfather passed two years before my birth. I also had a maternal great-grandfather, he was the one I was closest to. I have even joined the Masonic Lodge in his honor because the type of life he lived. He loved his family and was a strong family leader...

Getting to the point of this article, In 2017 when I went to Texas with my parents. We had to handle the funeral and final affairs of my grandfather. My grandmother made snickering remarks to my mother on the phone the entire trip. She did not provide condolences as you would expect when someone experiences death. Especially your own daughter who has just lost her father.

Because of my constructed relationship with my grandfather, I decided to eulogize him at his funeral. It was not perfect by any means, but he was not a perfect man. We all have faulted his, however, were highlighted throughout my life multiple times by one person. My grandmother.

Your divorce was not a product of my generation, I did not need to know the reasons upon your marriage to my grandfather dissolved. I needed two grandparents, not one assumed perfect one who pointed fingers at the less than perfect one. I should not have had to hear the horror stories that you lived.

In his later years, my grandfather changed. He became deeply religious, he gave to many religious groups including pro-life organizations. He even volunteered at the Veterans Hospital near his home.

When my your brother, my uncle Dave, spoke to you about the funeral, you laughed. You laughed at the fact that I spoke. I still cannot comprehend the reasons you did not want me to have a relationship with my grandfather.

I have forgiven you though. I will not live in the past with your choices.

When you called me names on Mother's Day 2017 I left your house.

I have forgiven you, but I will not condone being disrespected,

When you said that my Uncle JR should have received my grandfather's funeral flag, I was bewildered.

How can you receive a funeral flag if you were not at the funeral?

Time is wasting. I miss the grandmother I had prior to 2017.

When you decide to speak to me other than asking for something, I'll be here.

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The 20 Stages Of Instagram-Stalking Your Crush, As Told By 'Mean Girls'

Whether you love the presence of technology in your dating life or not, it's probably there.

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Far too often we wait for that follow request or Snapchat add to know that a boy is interested. We look to those notifications for validation of that mutual interest.

There is nothing quite like the freaking treasure trove that opens when a crush approves your follow request(or maybe you're silently looking if he is public). There is so much to do. This has now turned into an ~event~

All other priorities do. not. exist.

1. When he doesn't follow you back immediately

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Not mad, just disappointed. Actually, very mad. Seething, if you will. Honestly expected way more from Steve from Intro to Biology.

2. If he follows you first

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Hey! It's a little hard to see you down there since I'm ON CLOUD NINE RIGHT NOW!!! You text all your friends. These days, this is practically a marriage proposal. Time to start picking out wedding china? Can Vera Wang do this on such short notice?

3. If one of your friends also has a crush on him

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Sorry, Becky. Guess you'll just have to live with being a bridesmaid at our wedding.

4. If you don't follow him, but have a mutual friend who does: you ask them for screenshots

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He's private and you want to know what he is like without any consequences. You're just not ready to follow him yet, but you need some screenshots in your arsenal. This is case in point of why I should ABSOLUTELY not be considered a real adult for at least another five years.

5. Reading his bio

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The best thing it could be is just his name or school or maybe his frat. Or nothing if that is indicative of being a real live grownup who has a job(and I don't mean working at an IT start up your daddy found you). We don't really need an inspirational quote or something random that only two people understand. Your name is fine, thanks. Gentlemen, take a page out of Avril Lavigne's book and don't make everything so complicated.

6. Seeing how many followers he has

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This is something I don't really care about, but it can tell you a lot about the person. Like if they are a SoundCloud rapper trying to make it big and have clearly followed a ton of random people to try to get a follow back which has resulted in a sketchy follower-to-following ratio. If not, then they're probably normal.

7. Seeing how many photos he has

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There is nothing worse than thinking you are about to feast your eyes on all his photos only to discover that he has two photos and one is a group shot where his face is practically hidden. This will result in an hour of promising your friends that he is normal and good looking, despite what this feed might suggest.

8. Making sure he is not radiating jerk

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Saying "Saturdays are for the boys" is fine sometimes, but not every weekend. If he has more gym mirror selfies than the amount of Cosmopolitans Carrie Bradshaw has drank in her lifetime, it's time to move on. Unless you're working on a street corner, there is no need for you to be "just out here hustling/grinding."

9. Temptation to comment on a recent picture

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His hair looks really good! Or if he posts a picture of a party you saw him at this can be more tempting than buying cookies from Girl Scouts outside the grocery store. Resist, resist, resist.

10. Discovering you have a shared interest

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Oh my gosh, he went on spring break and you did too!! He went with ten friends to Panama City and you went home and ate Chinese food with your mom, but really, I don't see a difference there.

. 11. Stalking the most recent photo

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Is it with a girl? Is she prettier than you? If she commented an emoji it's freaking over. You sprint immediately to your closest grocery store and buy all the Ben and Jerry's.

12. Gathering of all the information

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Now we go into detective mode. Assuming at this stage that the dude actually had a decent amount of pictures, we now dig like Bob the Builder. We look for hobbies. We judge these hobbies. If you really like him, you concoct a plan to see how you can relate to these hobbies.

"Oh my gosh, I loveeeee fishing! I love it so much! Oh, you fish, you don't say? Look how much we have in common!"

13. Figuring out how close is he with his family

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Looking for how many times his parents surface on the IG. If you see he has siblings then if you are on a date one day you won't be trying to digest their names and ages, you'll already know. He will be blown away by your impeccable memory and interest in them.

14. Seeing something cool he did and becoming obsessed

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Maybe he studied abroad. All the heart eyes for the picture of him volunteering with Habitat for Humanity last April.

15. Pictures that make the world stop

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This might be him in a tux at a wedding with his grandma. It might be a swoon-worthy pic of him shirtless at the beach. It might be a picture of him and his wait for it… DOG and you die and blush and get so excited because you don't know what's cuter: him or the dog. These are the ones you screenshot for your friends.

16. All of a sudden it's been an hour

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You look at the clock, an hour has passed and you're in 2014. Great, now you know exactly what he wore to a middle school dance. Awesome!

17. When going into the tagged photos leads to being 3 people deep

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In tagged photos, you find previous girlfriends, and naturally, you have to stalk. Luckily, her account is public and you see that her best friend could easily be the next contestant on the Bachelor and probably win the whole thing. So you click on her profile and stalk her too. Then you see her boyfriend and look at his profile and feel genuinely hurt that you won't be getting an invite to their wedding.

18. Not blurting out everything the next time you see him

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You know you can absolutely NOT let on that you stalked him at all. Even though there were ten close calls, you did not accidentally like anything. Consider that a success. They should give out trophies for that. He doesn't need to know that you dropped your phone into the Oreo crumbs that were on your face at 2 a.m. As far as he knows, you simply approved his request and moved on with your life. If it comes up you should say "Oh, I didn't even remember we were friends on Instagram."

19. Crafting your first post with him being a follower

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It has to be hot, but it has to be effortless. You could do a selfie but you want him to know you have friends. But they can't look prettier than you. Should you be mysterious and post an artsy shot? Or post a travel throwback? *Books plane ticket to a cool destination just to take a pic he might like*

20. The first time he likes your post

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You feel like the definition of fabulous. A Snapchat is coming down the pike for sure. Ugh, how can you hate a culture and love it so much at the same time?

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To The Song That Reminds Me It Will Be Alright Again

Thank you Sugarland for Little Miss!

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Do you ever have a connection with a song?

Yes, well me too.

Sometimes life gets tough and you wanna give up. Sometimes people beat you down and it makes you afraid of love. Sometimes there are fears that you need to conquer.

There is a band named Sugarland and they have a song titled Little Miss. That song is my song that I have a connection with.

The first two lines describe a girl who is down on love, ready to give up, and just one big mess.

Here lately that girl is me. Sometimes life can beat you down and you you can feel caught in a hurricane. That's okay because it will get better. The chorus of that same song says that it's alright and sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win. This is all so true.

I'm the girl that does not like failure and does not settle for anything less than the best. Especially when it comes to school. While school is not failing it is tough. School has never been tough for me, but this semester and last semester have very much had me wanting to give up.

That's okay it's okay to feel that way as long as you remember if you do your best you'll go far. In fact those are other words Sugarland sings in Little Miss.

Also being a girl that has never really had time for relationships when anything new and fun with a boy gets started I immediately put all my eggs in one basket. DO NOT DO THIS. Please take my warning. Just like in the song I have a big heart that beats wide open.

While I times I seem rude, mean, intimidating, whatever other adjectives people use to describe me I'm very loyal and dedicated. When I put my heart into something you are going to get nothing less than the best. Just like with school I always give so much.

Finally I am a big mess and life is a whirlwind almost 95% of the time for me sometimes I have to take a step back and realize that everything does not have to be awful.

I have to realize that everything is going to be alright.

So find that song that you connect with. Then thank that song for existing. I'm beyond thankful Little Miss exists because sometimes I just have to max it out in the car and sing at the top of my lungs. After I do that I know everything will one day fall in to place and be alright again.

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