Dear catcallers everywhere,
Let’s set something straight. Catcalling is not a compliment. Compliments are respectful and sincere remarks that boost someone else’s morale and make them feel good about themselves.
The intention of your “Hey, gorgeous!” is not as innocent as you insist. It has less to do with making the woman feel good and it has more to do with what you’re expecting in return.
You’re not complimenting her to genuinely lift her up. You’re initiating unnecessary contact and demanding a response, and if the response isn’t what you want, you take away the compliment and say something demeaning along the lines of “Bitch, you’re ugly anyway.”
Why is it that when men like you can’t handle rejection, the women you harass are the ones who are berated? Victims of street harassment are criticized about their clothes, reasons for being out, and a number of factors that simply don’t matter.
It doesn’t matter how made up she looks, how short her skirt is, or what time of night it is. Women do not want this type of attention. Stop justifying your own behavior by criticizing the victim and start holding yourself accountable for your own actions and misbehavior.
When you catcall a woman, do not mistake her silence for approval. Generally, women are afraid to reject men and they tend to avoid potentially dangerous encounters because they fear that they could escalate to the types of stories on the news about men murdering the women who reject them.
For women, sometimes staying silent or reluctantly forcing out some sort of thanks feels like the safest option.
Don’t mistake that for indifference or flattery. It’s quite the opposite.
You might not understand the severity of catcalling, because odds are, you’ve never had to be afraid of walking home alone at night. As you shouldn’t. No one should. But please, just take a second to put yourself into the shoes of the women around you and realize what types of behavior you are enforcing in our culture.
Do you really want to be a part of the population that harasses and disrespects women? Do you think women should have to carry pepper spray whenever they walk somewhere alone?
If you think shouting vulgar statements at a woman from across the street is going to make her want to talk to you or go home with you, you’re wrong. Frankly, if you think anything remotely positive will come out of this encounter, you’re wrong. No meaningful relationship or consensual hookup has ever began with a catcall.
So, why do you do it?
Do you do it for a pat on the back from your slimy friends? Does intimidating women make you feel like more of a man? Do you have no self-restraint or are you just a desperate street harasser with nothing better to do with your time?
I don’t know why you do it, but I do know why you need to stop. This letter is to remind you (because apparently someone needed to) that women are people, too.
I can’t teach you how to respect people, but I can tell you that one day you are going to cross the wrong type of woman. You’re indecency is not going unnoticed. Times are changing and typical “boys will be boys” behavior is not being seen as an excuse to violate women any longer.
Have some common decency. Next time you have the urge to catcall a woman, do humankind a favor and keep it to yourself.
Sincerely,
One of many women who never leave the house without pepper spray