It has been a long time since I saw you. I looked for you on Facebook but you aren't on there. When we met, we were both working at a place that not many people would be a able to work at. We bonded over that. We both seemed to love the children. You didn't stay very long.....maybe a year.

We remained friends for a few years after. You were in a serious relationship. I was not. You found your one true love. I did not.

You never seemed to understand what that was like for me. All I wanted was to find someone who appreciated me like he appreciated you. I tried to find it in the obvious place....one of his friends and your housemate, but when he turned out to be one of the most selfish human beings I have ever met (and the most intelligent, I might add) You had absolutely no empathy for me whatsoever! You hung up the phone on me when I called you the night we broke up. You insisted that I come to a party a week later that he was going to be at with his new girlfriend. He was most likely cheating on me with her.

I showed up with a guy I was just friends with. I acted like I was dating him because I knew that my ex would be there. As it turned out, his new girlfriend didn't show up and my friend wanted to be more than just friends.

In the past, I was never friends with any of my boyfriend's friends so once we broke up, I really never saw them again. This time it was different! You were supposedly my best friend yet you never wanted to come to my apartment. I never understood why. Things were better when my ex moved out of the house that you rented, but there were times when we had plans, I would go to your house and suddenly we were going to his new place.

I handled it all pretty good, considering. I never got angry...until that night that I will never understand to this day! Your boyfriend was away for work and you wanted to go to NYC. You called me and asked me if I wanted to go. I was very excited.

You and I had not gone out alone in a long time. I arrived at your house and my ex-boyfriend was there, He was going with us! You didn't tell me that he was coming with us but I went with no complaints. We had a great time walking around the city all day until we got to the Limelight. We got separated. I looked everywhere for you. I decided to dance with random people. It started to get late. The two of you disappeared and didn't bother to look for me. I spotted you but I didn't go over to you. I continued dancing. I danced for a long time with some random guy. I was having a blast even though my ex boyfriend and my best friend were huddled in a dark corner in a booth.

I did not care about him,it was you! It was you who hurt me! It hurt me a lot at the time because I was friends with your boyfriend too. You drove him crazy with your jealousy even though he worshiped the ground you walked on. I couldn't understand why you would think that it was OK to behave the way you did after everything you put him through? He could never talk to another girl or even look at another girl without you getting jealous. Meanwhile a few months before, my ex boyfriend actually had a fight with him because he would not allow a pretty girl to move into one of the five bedrooms in the house that you rented because of your jealousy. It was my ex's way of protesting, Although he had talked about moving out for a while.

Now here you were whispering and flirting with someone who betrayed me and your boyfriend. I was so angry that I just left. I took the train home by myself and you had the nerve to call me to ask to pick you up from the train station. I confronted you the next day and you acted like you didn't care and that you didn't do anything wrong. If the situation was reversed, you probably would've never spoken to me again.

You were so funny and we had a lot of great times doing unusual things together. Everything you were interested in back then seemed new to me. The music, the clothes and even the cigarettes you smoked. I thought you were so "avant garde". You were not like anyone I had ever met. It felt like I had finally met a group of friends that I fit in with perfectly. It felt like I went away to college and you, your boyfriend, my ex and Tara were my college buddies. We had the craziest parties, played the funniest games and drank the cheapest, most disgusting beer. Since most of my high school friends had gone away to college and they all met new friends that they experienced their new lives with, I felt like I missed out on something really special until then.

You had your issues.....we,all did but you never seemed to judge Tara the way you judged me. Tara made some of the same foolish mistakes that I made. She made them right under your nose because you lived under the same roof, but you always seemed to see her side of things. You never questioned whether she was lying about some of the things she did even though you were right there and didn't see them happen.

Some of my experiences were similar to yours but that did not mean that I was lying or trying to copy you in some childish way. They were not good experiences and were certainly nothing to brag about. They were hard learning experiences that anyone could have had. Why would I Iie about something so personal to someone who I considered to be my best friend? If I was going to lie, wouldn't it make more sense if it was about something good, that I was proud of? You already knew my deepest darkest secrets. What would I have to gain?