To The One Who Walked Away From Me

To The One Who Walked Away From Me

Just a few things you should know.

You said goodbye, and that's fair. It's your decision.

You should know I respect your decision regardless of how much I don't understand it.

I am hurt yes, very hurt and you probably know that and that doesn't change a thing, which really really sucks to think about.

You should know I am not sad 24-7,the thought of us being together and the good old days kind of off-set me, but I am still living my life and going through my daily routine just fine, and getting better day by day.

Every now and then I see something that reminds me of you, or I remember something about us like an inside joke, and I want to tell you about it so we can laugh about it just like good old times and be the funny goofy people that we were, but then I remember I can't.

Things are different now, they are weird. We have to be honest — it's weird going from talking to each other every day to now never speaking. It's weird not seeing each other and it's weird that our daily routines have changed solely because of our relationship status. It's weird that it has to be like this, in my opinion, it doesn’t, but I know it's probably for the best.

You should know the image of us is harder for me to just "erase." I could delete the pictures of us and pretend like we never happened, but I can't. The pictures we took hold special memories to me and I know they did to you too. There's no reason to try to forget about something that once made you happy. There're pictures in my mind of us too, and how we were and how I thought it all was supposed to be, the happy times, the times in that moment when I thought there was no greater feeling than that undeniable bond we had.

I wish I had a better explanation of why things had to end and you owe me that, but I've come to terms that I'll probably never get that. Just know the way it ended was pretty selfish of you, I know it and you should too. One day you'll realize it but I won't need an explanation then.

You should know you're stupid for walking away. I forgave you for so much, I let you put me through hurt because I knew how we used to be and I didn't want to lose you or the special relationship we once had. I let you into my life and showed you all of my flaws and let you know all of my secrets. We got to know each other on a level no one else has seen us before, and that took a lot out of me but now it's all over and we have to act like those things never happened.

You should know that I don't stop thinking about you and I want nothing but the best for you. I know I don’t get to hear about what goes on in your life, but I wish I could. I wish I could hear you're doing good, you should know I hope you are.

You should know just because it's over doesn’t mean we have to hate each other. I know we may never talk again and that's your preference. We may hear things about each other that we don’t want to hear, they may hurt. But regardless of anything, I would love to still be somewhat a part of your life, because you meant a lot to me. If you ever did feel like reaching out to me again know I would be here, if anything just to listen. We've been through it all and I would go through it all again just to be there for you.

You should know one day we'll both look back at this all and find some sort of peace or lesson of why this all had to happen, but for now, thanks for giving me the good times and thanks for giving me a reason to see there will be better times.


Cover Image Credit: Sierra Gardner

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.


Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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To The Boy Who Broke My Heart, Thank You

Losing you was the best thing that ever happened to me.


I went out with my best friend last night. We went bar hopping, drank and had a good time. It was the first time I went out with her on a Saturday night in over a year.

I started a new job and work almost every day now. I'm so busy I don't know what a day off is anymore. It feels nice to not have time to think about you.

I've been going out with friends I never got a chance to see because I always canceled my plans with them to be with you. I tear up every now and then, thinking how thankful I am to still have them in my life.

I finally started getting into writing my novel, I'm on the third chapter and my grad school mentor really liked what I submitted. I even started writing poetry again. Who knew it would take you leaving me to feel inspired again.

I can finally listen to Taylor Swift's love songs again. I was getting sick of replaying the same heartbreak songs over and over and screaming along to them in the car with tears streaming down my face.

I started wearing more makeup even though you always told me I looked better natural. You used to laugh when I'd take off all my makeup and tell me I'm back to being myself. Now my favorite part of the day is putting it all on and taking it off at night.

I started opening up more at work to my coworkers because they saw me break down and be at my lowest. It feels nice to talk about other things than always having to start my conversations with "My boyfriend..."

I started going on long walks and taking better care of my skin because my self-care is so important to me now.

I haven't been depressed or anxious in a while, but if I get like that I'm strong enough to fight it all by myself.

I've been making sure to eat a lot more than I was. I lost a few pounds when you hurt me and my health wasn't doing good. But you're not worth risking my life over.

I don't get sad anymore when I see you're online, see a picture of you on Facebook, or see that you've watched my Instagram stories.

I finally took all the clothes you got me for Christmas and the blanket and donated them. I won't lie, it made me upset, but it's so liberating to not see it piled up in the corner of my room anymore.

I've been writing down goals I want to achieve and everything I have to look forward to. My future has never looked brighter.

I'm getting back into doing things I loved again. It's so nice to not have to worry about someone else for once.

I started wearing brighter colors instead of always black. You wouldn't even recognize me now.

I've been on a couple of dates too. One was at a bar that we stayed at until 1 a.m. We shared two pitchers of Narragansett. Another was at a restaurant in Boston. We ended the date making out on his floral couch at his apartment with Parks and Rec playing in the background. I didn't think about you once.

I started to forget what your face looks like. When I close my eyes I don't see you anymore.

I started to forget what your laugh sounds like. It's been replaced by someone else.

I started to forget what your touch feels like. Because I can still feel someone else's fingers tracing down my face all the way to my chin and how our noses touched when we stopped kissing.

I started walking with my head held high. I always felt insecure around you.

I've gotten used to sleeping in my own bed, it's calming not hearing someone complain about me taking up too much room. How do you sleep at night?

I've gotten used to waking up at a reasonable time. You made me a morning person and I'm thankful to start my days early now and appreciate what life has to offer.

I've been told by people how strong and happy I look and I honestly can't help but smile. You may have broken me then but I'm better than ever now.

This has all happened to me in a month. Because it was over a month ago when you broke up with me completely out of blue. Where you took my heart, smashed it, picked up the pieces, shook them up and threw them into every corner of the world. For a good week, I questioned whether or not I could continue on in life. Because for 15 months you were my life.

You consumed my life and schedule to a point where I felt anxious that I couldn't see you for a day. I told myself if I could go a full week without you it would get easier. Now it's been a month and I can't believe I used to cry in your bed when you left to go to work over not being able to see you that same day.

You told me I couldn't be the only person I would love for the rest of my life. I'm so glad I'm finally coming to terms with that. Because by the end of our relationship I only felt the need to agree with you when you said you loved me. I started using those words without the meaning in the back of my mind.

I know I'll get to the point where I'll be able to look back at all our memories together and pictures and smile. But for now, I have them hidden away on my phone. I'm not ready yet and it's okay.

I don't think I'll ever forget you. You were my first love and heartbreak all in one. But for now, I don't want to think about you.

So boy who broke my heart, I just want to say this; thank you for breaking my heart. Because losing you was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's someone waiting for me to respond back to their text.

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