To The One Who Walked Away From Me

To The One Who Walked Away From Me

Just a few things you should know.

You said goodbye, and that's fair. It's your decision.

You should know I respect your decision regardless of how much I don't understand it.

I am hurt yes, very hurt and you probably know that and that doesn't change a thing, which really really sucks to think about.

You should know I am not sad 24-7,the thought of us being together and the good old days kind of off-set me, but I am still living my life and going through my daily routine just fine, and getting better day by day.

Every now and then I see something that reminds me of you, or I remember something about us like an inside joke, and I want to tell you about it so we can laugh about it just like good old times and be the funny goofy people that we were, but then I remember I can't.

Things are different now, they are weird. We have to be honest — it's weird going from talking to each other every day to now never speaking. It's weird not seeing each other and it's weird that our daily routines have changed solely because of our relationship status. It's weird that it has to be like this, in my opinion, it doesn’t, but I know it's probably for the best.

You should know the image of us is harder for me to just "erase." I could delete the pictures of us and pretend like we never happened, but I can't. The pictures we took hold special memories to me and I know they did to you too. There's no reason to try to forget about something that once made you happy. There're pictures in my mind of us too, and how we were and how I thought it all was supposed to be, the happy times, the times in that moment when I thought there was no greater feeling than that undeniable bond we had.

I wish I had a better explanation of why things had to end and you owe me that, but I've come to terms that I'll probably never get that. Just know the way it ended was pretty selfish of you, I know it and you should too. One day you'll realize it but I won't need an explanation then.

You should know you're stupid for walking away. I forgave you for so much, I let you put me through hurt because I knew how we used to be and I didn't want to lose you or the special relationship we once had. I let you into my life and showed you all of my flaws and let you know all of my secrets. We got to know each other on a level no one else has seen us before, and that took a lot out of me but now it's all over and we have to act like those things never happened.

You should know that I don't stop thinking about you and I want nothing but the best for you. I know I don’t get to hear about what goes on in your life, but I wish I could. I wish I could hear you're doing good, you should know I hope you are.

You should know just because it's over doesn’t mean we have to hate each other. I know we may never talk again and that's your preference. We may hear things about each other that we don’t want to hear, they may hurt. But regardless of anything, I would love to still be somewhat a part of your life, because you meant a lot to me. If you ever did feel like reaching out to me again know I would be here, if anything just to listen. We've been through it all and I would go through it all again just to be there for you.

You should know one day we'll both look back at this all and find some sort of peace or lesson of why this all had to happen, but for now, thanks for giving me the good times and thanks for giving me a reason to see there will be better times.


Cover Image Credit: Sierra Gardner

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To The Boy Who Shattered My Heart

"As much as I wanted our dream future to come to life, it was a fantasy world that didn't exist."

To the boy who broke my heart,

I never thought I'd ever have the strength to write this out. I swore as I wrote a flood of tears would escape my eyes, but here I am with no tears left.

The day you gave up on us was one of the worst days of my lives. I blamed myself for everything that went wrong. I sat around hoping that you'd text or call saying you wanted to give us another chance. I mean we had so many plans for our future together, and poof they were gone in seconds.

My heart felt heavy as I thought about what could have been. The wounds left were raw and hurt. I will admit for awhile I was bitter and angry, but that has now passed.

I'm not sorry that I couldn't be who you wanted me to be, but that girl wasn't me. I'm still trying to figure out if you loved me or who you thought I could be. I tried so hard to be that girl, but let's be real that would erase most of who I am.

Looking back, I don't think you ever would have worked out the way we wanted. We weren't healthy for each other. We both had our faults that hurt the other person. As much as I wanted our dream future to come to life, it was a fantasy world that didn't exist.

As upset and broken as I was with our break-up, I thank you for it. You opened my eyes to so many things. I've become a better and stronger person through this event. You set me on a journey of self-discovery and recovery. It's something I don't think would have happen if you hadn't of shatter my heart into a million pieces.

The last thing I want to say was I wish you well. I really do mean that. I hope you find what you are looking for this world. We had our bad times (also some good), but I don't wish anything bad on you. Hopefully, you can find the person you really want/need and live a full life.



Cover Image Credit: Cristian Newman

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Your Emotions Make You Stronger, Not Weaker, And Don't You Forget That

Covering up emotions can do more harm than good.

There’s nothing stranger than waking up and realizing that you’re alone. You don’t have the one person who you shared the past two years with; he’s just gone.

This realization is one that I could not accept. I didn’t want it to be true, so I ignored it in every possible way I could. I tried to hide the emotion on the verge of escaping because in my mind, emotion equaled weakness. That’s what I always thought to be true. I hate letting people see me cry because people feeling bad for me makes me want to scream. However, my experience taught me that emotion equals strength. I am stronger now than I have ever been because of the emotion I shared during this journey.

Emotions are a daily part of life and will constantly get the best of you when you least expect it. I remember sitting in class thinking about him as tears welled in my eyes, and I would get so mad at myself for it. Looking back on it now, I’m not mad that I showed emotion in class or anywhere else. I’m proud I had the courage to let it out, instead of letting the pain absorb me. I may have been in a dark place initially, but that’s normal. What matters is how you climb out of the hole that’s been dug. No matter how bad it is, we all have the strength to persevere through any situation we’re put in.

Every step of the way is going to bring a new challenge. At moments, I thought I was completely over him, but somehow, I’d be reminded of him and I would break. My fierce face would collapse into a tearful mess. During this all, I was someone who lost the ability to smile or laugh. I was either sad or mad, and both emotions were aimed at him. Going through these stages is normal, but you have to keep pushing forward to get back to your happy place.

Letting the pain out can be the best cure to find that smile that once sat on your face. When I would lose my smile, I would go to my friends, regardless of how teary-eyed I was, and they would distract me. They helped me laugh again. I can’t explain in words just how good that feeling was. When you’ve been in such a depressed state for so long, and all of a sudden, you feel your face lighting up with joy, a feeling you haven’t felt in weeks. It’s the most inspiring moment because it’s the realization that there’s still hope for you.

Having friends by your side makes you stronger, so share the emotion that you’ve kept bottled up. Sharing my emotions with my friends gave me so much hope that it would get better. With them, I felt on top of the world, even if it was short-lived. I would be fine with them, and terrible without them. But with them, I was myself again and that made it all worth it. I’m relieved to know that I have friends I can count on in any situation.

In all the pain, I showed strength, and I’m still constantly reminding myself of this. I’m strong because I escaped the dark tunnel that I was heading down. We all have this strength inside us just waiting to come out. Just remember that emotions give you strength, so embrace them and let them shine for better or for worse.

Cover Image Credit: Bridget Nobiletti

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