To The One Who Walked Away From Me

To The One Who Walked Away From Me

Just a few things you should know.

You said goodbye, and that's fair. It's your decision.

You should know I respect your decision regardless of how much I don't understand it.

I am hurt yes, very hurt and you probably know that and that doesn't change a thing, which really really sucks to think about.

You should know I am not sad 24-7,the thought of us being together and the good old days kind of off-set me, but I am still living my life and going through my daily routine just fine, and getting better day by day.

Every now and then I see something that reminds me of you, or I remember something about us like an inside joke, and I want to tell you about it so we can laugh about it just like good old times and be the funny goofy people that we were, but then I remember I can't.

Things are different now, they are weird. We have to be honest — it's weird going from talking to each other every day to now never speaking. It's weird not seeing each other and it's weird that our daily routines have changed solely because of our relationship status. It's weird that it has to be like this, in my opinion, it doesn’t, but I know it's probably for the best.

You should know the image of us is harder for me to just "erase." I could delete the pictures of us and pretend like we never happened, but I can't. The pictures we took hold special memories to me and I know they did to you too. There's no reason to try to forget about something that once made you happy. There're pictures in my mind of us too, and how we were and how I thought it all was supposed to be, the happy times, the times in that moment when I thought there was no greater feeling than that undeniable bond we had.

I wish I had a better explanation of why things had to end and you owe me that, but I've come to terms that I'll probably never get that. Just know the way it ended was pretty selfish of you, I know it and you should too. One day you'll realize it but I won't need an explanation then.

You should know you're stupid for walking away. I forgave you for so much, I let you put me through hurt because I knew how we used to be and I didn't want to lose you or the special relationship we once had. I let you into my life and showed you all of my flaws and let you know all of my secrets. We got to know each other on a level no one else has seen us before, and that took a lot out of me but now it's all over and we have to act like those things never happened.

You should know that I don't stop thinking about you and I want nothing but the best for you. I know I don’t get to hear about what goes on in your life, but I wish I could. I wish I could hear you're doing good, you should know I hope you are.

You should know just because it's over doesn’t mean we have to hate each other. I know we may never talk again and that's your preference. We may hear things about each other that we don’t want to hear, they may hurt. But regardless of anything, I would love to still be somewhat a part of your life, because you meant a lot to me. If you ever did feel like reaching out to me again know I would be here, if anything just to listen. We've been through it all and I would go through it all again just to be there for you.

You should know one day we'll both look back at this all and find some sort of peace or lesson of why this all had to happen, but for now, thanks for giving me the good times and thanks for giving me a reason to see there will be better times.


Goodbye!

Cover Image Credit: Sierra Gardner

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Relationship Abuse: Getting Caught Up In Making Someone Else Happy That You Forget About Your Own Happiness

Keep fighting for your sanity

Over the past few weeks I’ve had some major changes take place in my life. I’ve moved from Connecticut back to my home state of Georgia. I’ve ended a horrible relationship and the sad part is; I don’t even miss him. Yes, there were a few tears, but they weren’t sad ones. More like tears of utter joy and freedom.

So, my question to you is: when do you know that it’s time to break up? When is enough, enough?

Just a little run down on my past relationship to fill you so I can be justified in my decision to part ways. I spent the most of my time caring for the other person and trying to make their life perfect. I didn’t complain because Lord knows he did enough of that for the both of us.

My time, energy, and emotions were constantly spent trying to be everything that I possibly could for him and, yet I constantly asked myself if it was enough. I got so caught up in trying to make someone else happy that I completely lost sight of my true happiness.

I suffered in silence most of the time except when I had met my mental capacity for the bullshit. I put myself in counseling because I needed the time to just get it all out. I needed someone to vent my frustrations to. I would leave my sessions feeling drained and just spent from all the emotions that would come out.

My cellphone was a tracking device. I couldn’t be gone an hour without that all too familiar call of ‘where are you? When will you be back?’

It drove me to the point of madness, not like crazy madness. Just that state of mind. I was irritable and always in a horrible mood. I felt trapped and smothered. I know that a committed relationship is a big step.

Living together is a must but then it comes to the point when you suffer emotionally from the strain that the relationship puts on you I think it’s time to walk away. But the person I lived with didn’t want to take me for my word that I was unhappy and wanted a break. So, what was I to do?

How was I supposed to make them see? What was it going to take?

When I decided that I had finally had enough I did the only thing I could do. I booked a flight back to Georgia and decided that was where I was going to stay. Even after saying that I was done, just finished and couldn’t take anymore he still called trying to change my mind. ‘I’ll change, I’ll be better.’

I still couldn’t deal with the fact that he simply wasn’t hearing me. I mean how many ways can a person say that they need space before the other person gets the hint?

And of course, I was made out to be the bad one. I was causing him pain and I didn’t care about him. That’s all he ever cared about; his well-being. If I was unhappy it was ok because it didn’t affect him, and my problems were mine to work through on my own. There was no US unless HE was happy.

Every friend I talked to told me the same thing. Get out and walk away!

So, would you? Would you leave a relationship after you’ve tried talking to the person and explaining your unhappiness and they still wouldn’t listen?

Would you feel better after suffering months of mental and emotional abuse to finally walk out and gain back your freedom and sense of self-worth?

I suffered from relationship abuse, don’t let the same thing happen to you. If you’re fighting for your sanity and trying to keep yourself from going crazy; take my advice and leave while you can. Don’t stay trapped.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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It's Hard To Accept The Apology He Never Gave You

Even though you deserve for him to be sorry, it's OK if he's not.

One of the hardest things to do is find a way to move on without closure. It’s picking yourself up without ever understanding why everything became a mess in the first place.

It’s drowning in sorrows, soaking up all the pain and watching your self-worth dwindle away while you wait for the apology that is never going to come.

The thing is, sometimes you really do deserve an apology.



A person’s inability to acknowledge how they mistreated you is not a reflection of you as a person. He spun you in circles, drowned your heart in confusion and left you dizzy and broken.

But even though you deserve for him to be sorry, and you deserve for him to say it, you absolutely do not need it.

Somewhere along the way, someone convinced you that the only way to have closure was to have one last, heartfelt conversation with him. You just want some explanation as to why he was tearing you apart.

But let me ask you this, does that really make it better?

Is being destroyed in person better than through a text? Is that last conversation going to mend all the broken pieces you’re left with in the end?

He was unfair. He was wrong. He should be sorry.

But it’s OK if he's not.

Just because you deserve better, doesn’t mean what you once had didn’t mean something. Things that broke along the way do not remove your value, nor what that man once meant to you.





You’ve allowed this to define you and strip you of your self-worth. You’ve allowed yourself to believe that you cannot move forward without receiving some sort of validation for what happened.

Well here is your validation:

YOU DO NOT NEED HIS APOLOGY.

You don’t need him to say he’s sorry. You don’t need him to miss you. You don’t need him to regret the situation.

You are more than enough.

You are valid in your feelings and your frustration. You are valid in your want for closure and for a genuine apology.

I am sorry it has come to this. I am sorry you are heartbroken.

But as far as moving on, you’ve got this.

You are OK, and even if you’re not, it’s OK to not be OK. Closure is just accepting that a situation is over and finding a way to move on.















Accept that you deserve an apology. That’s all you really need. You deserve it. You are worth it. You are absolutely amazing on your own.

So pick yourself up, and fly.

You’ve got this.



Cover Image Credit: 123rf

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