You were my best friend. We did everything together. You were my movie buddy and we saw everything together on opening night. That was what you were, you were my friend. All I wanted was a friend. I was 15 and a relationship was the furthest thing from my mind, but that was what you wanted. I wanted friendship and you wanted more, but my opinion didn't matter. Right?
I don't think about you often, but you appeared in one of my dreams recently and have me thinking once again about how you wronged me in so many ways. You hurt me and that's never something that will be okay.
I don't know where to start with our story or if I should leave the incidents between us, but the way that you hurt me the most occurred a number of times. You made yourself look weak to gain my attention and when that attention was demanded at a difficult or irrational time, I was the bad guy.
You made me feel bad for sleeping and working because I couldn't properly care for you, something I had never signed up for. You did all of this while I was a child. You put me through so much emotional turmoil in my young state to the point where I see myself developing unhealthy habits from what you have done to me. I find myself stopping myself from doing what you did to me.
One of the most recent incidents you put me through before we went our separate ways still wakes me up in a cold sweat from my dreams some nights. You took the trust of myself and our friends and twisted it. You wronged us and left us terrified as we thought the worst, but in reality, you were once again making yourself look weak for the attention that you so desperately yearned for.
But regardless of everything you did to me, I still watched as you were the popular kid throughout high school because everyone was scared that you would pull another stunt as you had done to many of our friends before. And now I'm faced with moving on because we no longer have to see each other, but the memories of the things that you did and the texts of the things you said still remain on my cell phone. There is so much I still have to move on from.
You broke me, but now I am fixing myself, moving on from what you did. I now know how to spot a toxic person. I now know that moving on from a bad situation isn't impossible. But the one thing that I found myself gaining from the situation is the increased communication I have with my parents. I turned to them because you pushed me that far and I have not turned back. So for that part, I thank you.
But the rest?
Ha.
Forget it.