To the guy I crop dusted in the elevator today,
Sorry, but not that sorry.
You know, a human has certain bodily functions that just have to happen whether I'm in an elevator or not. So, when my tummy started to bubble, I knew I just had to do it. So I let it go, and man, it wasn't pretty.
I saw you press the button for floor five when I was only going to floor three. No, I didn't plan to crop dust you, but it just had to happen. I'm sorry that you had to ride two more floors with my gnarly fart. Since you had the inconvenience of being crop dusted by yours truly, I'll throw some knowledge at you about farts.
According to my grandpa, the sharpest thing in the world is not a knife or sword; the sharpest thing is actually a fart. Why you ask? It goes right through your pants without cutting them. True words of wisdom from such a wise man. I bet it's new knowledge to you!
Did you know I come from a long line of flatulent people? I bet you figured that out after I crop dusted you. Again, sorry, but not that sorry.
Did you know people fart at least fourteen times a day? Well, it's true. It's your fault you got on the elevator the same time as one of my fourteen times. It's unfortunate, but like, it's your fault.
Time to get real, though, I know you fart too. But, I can guarantee I can beat you in a fart-off because I am the fart master and you just happened to be graced with the undeniably amazing presence of my farting abilities. Think of it as a gift. Hope the rest of your day went off without anymore natural fart disasters.
Sincerely,
The girl that crop dusted you in the elevator without a regret.