I have been wanting to write this for a year now, but it's taken until the trial was finished for me to really comprehend what has happened. A year ago it felt like my world came crashing down. My trust was broken, this person whom I considered my friend had done something that I couldn't possibly understand; but then I think of you. I think of you--as his family: his parents, his sister, his cousins & aunts and uncles, his grandparents. I think of the fact that I knew this man for three months and felt crushed by this realization, and yet he had people who had known him for 21 years--who had adored him and called him their world. I can't imagine what this hell has been like for you.

I want you to know something. There are a lot of people who are sincerely angry and wish harm to Matt--but I absolutely do not. I am angry. I am hurt. But what I really wish is that he gets the help that he needs. I don't want anything bad to happen to him, and I hope that he is able to stay safe during the next ten years while he is in Prison, as well as beyond that when he must re-enter society. It's still shocking to me. Many times my mind tries to repress this period in my life out because it is just something so incredibly impossible for me to understand. I can't really grasp the fact that this happened and why it happened. I'm sure you have struggled and will continue to struggle with the same thing.

Matt was my assistant at camp. I still remember the day that I met him. We met up at the JCC a few weeks before camp was starting and talked about the schedule for the summer. We talked about what we could do on the days that we were on camp all day, we talked about what field trips we were excited about, we talked about what a great experience the summer was going to be. He was my friend. He came over to our friend's house and hung out and drank with all of us. He got me a Starbucks card for my birthday. I got him a bottle of Tequila for his 21st. We were there to complain to one another, to talk to when our counselors were quitting left and right, to discuss which campers were out of control that day. We spent every day together for a summer. We talked about our lives, we told each other about ourselves. Less than 24 hours before he was taken into custody we sat by a fire pit at our camp out at midnight, talking about how we were happy we were put together at camp. We talked about how we would visit each other at school and that we would keep in touch. He was the guy that I counted on the day that I needed to be with my family as my mom was having surgery--I entrusted him with my campers who I was incredibly protective of. I almost allowed him to watch my niece and nephew one night when we needed a sitter--something that haunts me to this day. I trusted him. I felt that he was a good person, and I still don't think he's a bad person--I think he has problems that he needs to work out and that he needs help. I only wish he would have confided in me, I would have liked to help him seek the type of therapy he needed.

I want to tell you one last thing: I am sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't notice that something was going on with Matt. I'm sorry that I didn't reach out sooner. I'm sorry that I didn't come to his trial. More than anything I'm sorry for what your family has been through. I wish that I could make this nightmare that your family and all of us at camp have lived through go away. I wish that I could go back and have gotten him to talk to me about what was going on with him, before he did what he did--maybe even prevented it from happening all together. Most of all, if any of you read this, please tell Matt that I do not hate him. I am hurt. However, I really hope that he gets help and is able to come out from this one day. I hope that he knows that I don't wish harm to him. I only hope that he recognizes his mistakes and learns from them.