An Open Letter To The Boy My Family Loved, But I Didn't

An Open Letter To The Boy My Family Loved, But I Didn't

I never meant to hurt you.

An Open Letter To The Boy My Family Loved, But I Didn't

When our relationship started I had felt that it would be like all the great romances I had once fancied. The feelings were there for a while, but I would be lying to both you and myself if I said that it was a once in a lifetime kind of feeling.

Your love for me felt like an endless ocean, an open sky and your looks of longing pierced like a darted arrow. My love would never have measured up to yours and that would have left me with a lifetime of guilt.

Ultimately, that is why I made the decision to end the relationship. It was never about something that you had said, or something you had done, and it most certainly was not about another guy.

When I was younger I had made a checklist of what I had wanted and the checklist still plays through my mind sometimes. I had wanted someone who would be tall, smart, make me laugh, was kind to others, and the list was probably a mile long. Impossibly, you almost checked all those marks off, except for having five dogs, an indoor pool and a castle. Obviously, those are things I could live without. Since then, I have realized what a waste the checklist is. The checklist holds no value to me, because it is not a practical formula for predicting what my heart is going to feel. My dad says, “feelings are not right or wrong, they just are”. But how come, when I broke up with you, I felt like I made the worst decision I could have possibly made?

After years of considering, I now know the answer. It is because you are not a bad person. You did not deserve to be hurt the way that you were and not by someone that you would have done anything for. I know that when I broke your heart, I broke multiple hearts. It is as if my family had a teenage romance. They knew on the day that I broke up with you that they would no longer have an extra dinner setting at the table, an even number while playing board games, an eager helping hand, or someone who treated their daughter with the utmost respect (At least until I met someone new). I would say my family overreacted, but I am pretty sure there was a bet that you were the person that I was going to marry. I felt like I had to make some romantic gesture to attempt to win you over again, but I knew if I did this then it would be me doing it for them and not for us.

I hope you found a job you love, see the world and find someone who reignites the flame in your soul. I will always be grateful for the memories that you gave and the love you made me feel. I am sorry I could not give you the same.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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