Dear Loved One,

You have lost someone that you loved. Someone that you still love. I know that it is painful whether it has been an hour or a year or a decade or longer. The pain may dull over time, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to go away. I wish this letter could give you answers about how to deal with loss, but all I can offer you someone who knows how you feel. It has been just over two years since I lost my best friend and it hurt everyday; some days worse than others. Doctors or therapists or even strangers will tell you that you have to go through the "stages of grief" and then you can move on. That is bullshit. You might go through the stages a hundred times and still not be able to fully move on. I mean in a way you move forward, but you don't forget and you don't really move on.

One day you wake up and realize that life goes on without the person as cliche as that sounds. For me it was weeks later that I figured it out, for some it's longer or shorter. There is no science to it and, God, we all wish there was some way to make all of this easier. Maybe you want to find peace at the bottom of a bottle or in some pills; I've tried and it doesn't help when you when you sober up. I'm not one to stop you if that's the route you want to go, but I wouldn't recommend it. It ends up being a lot easier to deal when you can't process thoughts or can't see straight and that's all well and good until you end up sobbing and intoxicated. On top of all of that, it is also extremely unhealthy to do any of that.

So if you can't drink or do drugs to escape what can you do? There are a plethora of options, arguably the best one being to work through it. Work through the pain, anger, guilt, and whatever other emotions you are feeling. As I said in the beginning, I don't have any answers for getting through this, all I can offer is what has helped me and what hasn't. For me, I like to talk about my best friend, not about her death, but about funny stories and cool stuff we did together; some of our mutual friends prefer not to discuss her at all, so you really have to just do what makes you most comfortable.

The most important thing that you can do is to keep going. Keep living every day in the best way that you can. It won't be easy, it will be impossible. You might find yourself crying in the middle of the supermarket or in front of your whole class (personal experience with that one) or maybe you can't cry. Any way you deal with it is the right way for you. I guess I'm already in danger of being a complete cliche, so I'd be remiss if I didn't say that it gets better. It hurts, but it gets better.

Love,

A Fellow Warrior