Death is an inevitability. We are born to live just as we are born to die, and this has always been the case. Yet when death comes, its appearance warrants surprise. Death is an inevitability, yes, but death is unpredictable and impossible to comprehend.
At 8 years old, my dad passed away of mucosal melanoma — a rare, terminal skin cancer. The magnitude the disease carried was incomprehensible to my second-grade self, yet the concept of death was not lost on me. My nanny didn’t have to tell me what happened when she came downstairs crying; I already knew. But what I didn’t understand was that this tragedy didn’t befall me for a reason, but rather because life does as it will do. No person, good or bad, is subjected to misfortune. The realization that you are not at fault for the death of a loved one is of vital importance in the healing process.
When I refer to “the healing process,” I don't intend to be misleading; the wound that death causes will never be fully healed. However, it is important to understand that it will be mended, although I know that when the grief is fresh, it feels everlasting. My mother told me, “Death is a hole in your heart that you learn to work around and fill with memories.” Memories are priceless, and they are your own. They flutter in and out of your head at your mind’s will, and they remind us of the reason why sadness fills our hearts in a time of death — because of all of the joyous moments we shared with our deceased.
Yet as soothing as remembering can be, this method is not the only a coping mechanism that accompanies death. There is no right or wrong way to deal with loss, there is only your way. Although lives are lost, time is not; the clock keeps ticking and the days keep moving. Eventually we find our way, whether we are guided by the reasoning of others or we come to the best conclusion for ourselves.
Death is not a road block, nor does it serve to burden you or force you to worry about its next move. Death is merely an obstacle. One you can conquer with the correct support system from yourself and those around you. For, in death, you are never alone. Death is an inevitability. Death is unpredictable and impossible to comprehend, but death can be overcome.
