Hey, you.

So I bet you’re a little confused right now, huh? Some of your night might be a bit hazy. Well, let me just say, you were quite the party animal last night. Checking your Snapchat story may clear up some of the questions you have. But nobody knows you better than yourself, right? So, get yourself some Advil, grab a bottle of water and listen to the everything you should have done differently last night.

First of all, the night began way too early. Did you really think you could make it all night when you started pre-gaming at 8:30? I know that blasting “All Night Longer” made you feel invincible, but at the rate you were going, you were brewing up a recipe for disaster.

By the way, that crop top you had on was super cute! But was it still super cute when you were freezing your butt off? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

You need to order two Uber’s next time. Trying to squeeze nine girls in that tiny SUV was a longshot and that driver was not happy. Give that man five stars right now while you’re at it.

Also, just letting you know that everyone tapped through those Snapchats of you and your girls screaming the lyrics of that new Bieber song. It was totally annoying.

You may want to invest in a better fake ID. That bouncer was eyeing you up and down. And no matter how many times you memorize that false address, he knew you weren’t a 25-year-old named Sharon from Rhode Island. He knew.

Everything was going great. You were holding your alcohol, you didn’t stumble in those 5-inch heels and it was shaping out to be an okay night. It was around 10:31 that you reached the point of no return. The drinks kept pouring and you didn’t know how to stop. Your "sexy" dance moves made you feel like Beyonce, but, maybe next time we should keep the dancing to a minimum.

I’m sure you’re wondering why your stomach is making such bizarre noises. Well, you treated yourself to a lovely double cheeseburger and a large order of fries to go with it. So, I guess yesterday was your cheat day.

Everybody has those nights. In the words of Hannah Montana, “Nobody’s perfect.” Just remember these words of advice the next time you go out so you can guarantee yourself a great night. Until then, happy hangover.

Sincerely,

Yourself