It's been almost three years since you've passed, and I can honestly say it hasn't gotten easier.

There's something about losing you that will never make sense to me.

A girl's grandfather is her first love. The first best friend she will ever have and I guess that's what doesn't make sense. I lost you. I lost my person.

It's been such a lonely ride lately. No calls on the first day of school, on my birthday or holidays. No random calls, asking how the weather is and the calls to just remind me that you're "only a phone call or a few miles away".

There are nights all I do is cry. And scream. Because you're supposed to be here. You were supposed to be here to see my 16th, and one day see me graduate. You're supposed to be at my wedding and hold my first child. All of these plans that I made were wiped away because you were wiped away.

How long does it take for a girl to get over that?

I won't. I will never get over this because I refuse to come to terms with the fact that you're gone. And it doesn't help that I will never forget the feeling of losing my best friend and watching you slowly fade from me.

I know it was just as painful for you as it was for all of us, so from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you were hurting and that you were in so much pain. But also, thank you.

Thank you for being my mom's best friend. Thank you for taking care of my sister, my cousins, and me no matter how much of a handful we could be.

Thank you for getting that computer back in 2009 and finally giving us something to do other than watch tv on a scruffy scratchy couch until 3 a.m.

But most importantly, thank you for teaching me to not ever take something for granted. Thank you for the lessons on love and respect and thank you for believing in me when I couldn't believe in myself. You will forever be my person. You will forever be the reason I do everything I do. And thank you for being with me always.

I love you forever.